


ℙ𝕒𝕣𝕥𝕟𝕖𝕣𝕤 𝕀𝕟 ℂ𝕣𝕚𝕞𝕖 - 𝕁𝕠𝕙𝕟 𝕄𝕦𝕣𝕡𝕙𝕪/𝕆ℂ

by PuddyGeeks



Series: The 100 Fics [4]
Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 (TV) RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Humor, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bad Boys, F/M, Fluff and Angst, M/M, No Smut, Redemption, Slow Burn, Unintentional Redemption, the slowest of burns, we all love a bad boy though
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:34:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 35,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27289465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PuddyGeeks/pseuds/PuddyGeeks
Summary: ｡･:*:･ﾟ★    𝑇𝑟𝑢𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑝𝑒𝑜𝑝𝑙𝑒 𝑖𝑠 𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑙𝑎𝑛𝑑𝑒𝑑 𝐶𝑎𝑠𝑠𝑖𝑑𝑦 𝑖𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑠𝑘𝑦𝑏𝑜𝑥. 𝑁𝑜𝑤 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑠ℎ𝑒'𝑠 ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒, 𝑠𝑖𝑙𝑒𝑛𝑐𝑒 𝑖𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑜𝑛𝑙𝑦 𝑝𝑟𝑜𝑡𝑒𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑠ℎ𝑒 𝑐𝑎𝑛 𝑑𝑒𝑝𝑒𝑛𝑑 𝑜𝑛. 𝑆ℎ𝑒 𝑠𝑢𝑐𝑐𝑒𝑒𝑑𝑒𝑑 𝑖𝑛 𝑏𝑒𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑖𝑛𝑣𝑖𝑠𝑖𝑏𝑙𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑎𝑙𝑚𝑜𝑠𝑡 𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑜𝑓 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑑𝑎𝑛𝑔𝑒𝑟𝑜𝑢𝑠 𝑡𝑒𝑒𝑛𝑎𝑔𝑒𝑟𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑠ℎ𝑒 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑖𝑚𝑝𝑟𝑖𝑠𝑜𝑛𝑒𝑑 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ, 𝑢𝑛𝑡𝑖𝑙 𝑠ℎ𝑒 𝑐𝑎𝑢𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑎𝑡𝑡𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 𝑜𝑓 𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑟𝑒𝑏𝑒𝑙 𝑤ℎ𝑜 𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑𝑛'𝑡 𝑟𝑒𝑠𝑖𝑠𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑟𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑜𝑓 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑐ℎ𝑎𝑠𝑒.(𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝟙𝟘𝟘, 𝕤𝟙-𝕤𝟚)
Relationships: Abby Griffin & Original Female Character, Bryan/Nathan Miller, Clarke Griffin & Original Female Character(s), Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Finn Collins & Original Female Character, Finn Collins/Clarke Griffin, Jasper Jordan & Raven Reyes, John Murphy (The 100) & Original Character(s), John Murphy (The 100)/Original Female Character(s), Monty Green & Jasper Jordan & Original Female Character, Monty Green/Harper McIntyre, Zoe Monroe & Original Female Character
Series: The 100 Fics [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1698553
Comments: 9
Kudos: 14





	1. Aᴄᴛ I

Season 1


	2. ℙ𝕒𝕣𝕥𝕟𝕖𝕣𝕤 𝕀𝕟 ℂ𝕣𝕚𝕞𝕖

Moodboard made by [Iyssxo](https://www.wattpad.com/user/Iyssxo)

☓ ღ ➵ ღ ☓

𝑪𝒂𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒅𝒚 𝑩𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒂𝒓𝒅 𝑠𝑝𝑒𝑛𝑡 ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑚𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑣𝑒 𝑦𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑠 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡𝑜 𝑠𝑒𝑐𝑢𝑟𝑒 𝑎 𝑏𝑒𝑡𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝑙𝑖𝑓𝑒 𝑓𝑜𝑟 ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑎𝑛𝑑 ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑓𝑎𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟, 𝑒𝑥𝑐𝑒𝑒𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔

𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑒𝑥𝑝𝑒𝑐𝑡𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠 𝑜𝑓 𝑎 𝑐ℎ𝑖𝑙𝑑 𝑓𝑟𝑜𝑚 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑙𝑜𝑤𝑒𝑟 𝑠𝑒𝑐𝑡𝑜𝑟𝑠 𝑜𝑓 𝐴𝑟𝑔𝑜 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑎𝑛 𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑛𝑠ℎ𝑖𝑝 𝑖𝑛 𝑚𝑒𝑑𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑙. 𝐼𝑛 𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑜𝑓 ℎ𝑒𝑟

𝑝𝑙𝑎𝑛𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔, 𝑠ℎ𝑒 𝑛𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑖𝑚𝑎𝑔𝑖𝑛𝑒𝑑 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑠ℎ𝑒 𝑤𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑏𝑒 𝑖𝑚𝑝𝑟𝑖𝑠𝑜𝑛𝑒𝑑 𝑖𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑆𝑘𝑦𝑏𝑜𝑥. 𝑆𝑖𝑙𝑒𝑛𝑐𝑒 𝑏𝑒𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑠 ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑜𝑛𝑙𝑦 𝑤𝑎𝑦 𝑜𝑓

𝑝𝑟𝑜𝑡𝑒𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑑 𝑜𝑛𝑒𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑏𝑒𝑒𝑛 𝑐𝑎𝑢𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝑢𝑝 𝑖𝑛 ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑚𝑖𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑘𝑒𝑠 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑜𝑛𝑐𝑒 𝑠ℎ𝑒 𝑎𝑟𝑟𝑖𝑣𝑒𝑠 𝑜𝑛 𝐸𝑎𝑟𝑡ℎ, 𝑠ℎ𝑒 𝑚𝑢𝑠𝑡

𝑟𝑒𝑑𝑖𝑠𝑐𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑟 ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑣𝑜𝑖𝑐𝑒 𝑖𝑛 𝑜𝑟𝑑𝑒𝑟 𝑡𝑜 𝑠𝑢𝑟𝑣𝑖𝑣𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑡𝑟𝑖𝑎𝑙𝑠 𝑎ℎ𝑒𝑎𝑑 𝑜𝑓 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑚. 𝐹𝑜𝑟𝑡𝑢𝑛𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑙𝑦, 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑖𝑠 𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑑𝑒𝑙𝑖𝑛𝑞𝑢𝑒𝑛𝑡 𝑤ℎ𝑜

ℎ𝑎𝑠 𝑛𝑜 𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠 𝑜𝑓 𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑜𝑤𝑖𝑛𝑔 ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑡𝑜 𝑟𝑒𝑝𝑒𝑎𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑝𝑎𝑠𝑡.

☓ ღ ➵ ღ ☓  
  


𝑪𝒂𝒔𝒕  
  


𝐸𝑚𝑚𝑎 𝐷𝑢𝑚𝑜𝑛𝑡/𝐿𝑜𝑟𝑛𝑎 𝐷𝑎𝑛𝑒, 𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝐺𝑖𝑓𝑡𝑒𝑑 𝑎𝑠

𝑪𝒂𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒅𝒚 𝑩𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒂𝒓𝒅

**𝕿𝖍𝖊** **𝖘𝖙𝖗𝖔𝖓𝖌𝖊𝖘𝖙** **𝖕𝖊𝖔𝖕𝖑𝖊** **𝖆𝖗𝖊** **𝖙𝖍𝖔𝖘𝖊** **𝖜𝖍𝖔** **𝖆𝖗𝖊** **𝖖𝖚𝖎𝖊𝖙𝖑𝖞**

**𝖜𝖎𝖓𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌** **𝖇𝖆𝖙𝖙𝖑𝖊𝖘** **𝖜𝖊** **𝖐𝖓𝖔𝖜** **𝖓𝖔𝖙𝖍𝖎𝖓𝖌** **𝖆𝖇𝖔𝖚𝖙** **.**  
  
  
  
  


𝑊𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑇𝑢𝑑𝑜𝑟 𝑎𝑠

𝑪𝒊𝒂𝒏 𝑭𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒍𝒂𝒚

  
  
  
  
𝑅𝑖𝑐ℎ𝑎𝑟𝑑 𝐻𝑎𝑟𝑚𝑜𝑛 𝑎𝑠

𝑱𝒐𝒉𝒏 𝑴𝒖𝒓𝒑𝒉𝒚

  
  
  
  
𝐽𝑜𝑛𝑎𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑛 𝑅ℎ𝑦𝑠 𝑀𝑒𝑦𝑒𝑟𝑠 𝑎𝑠

𝑬𝒐𝒊𝒏 𝑩𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒂𝒓𝒅

  
  
  
𝐿𝑒𝑛𝑎 𝐻𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑒𝑦 𝑎𝑠

𝑬𝒎𝒃𝒆𝒓 𝑩𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒂𝒓𝒅

  
  
  
  
𝑬𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒆𝒍𝒔𝒆 𝒂𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒗𝒆𝒔!

☓ ღ ➵ ღ ☓

𝑾𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔: 𝑀𝑎𝑡𝑢𝑟𝑒 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑛𝑡. 𝐿𝑎𝑛𝑔𝑢𝑎𝑔𝑒, 𝑠𝑒𝑥, 𝑎𝑛𝑥𝑖𝑒𝑡𝑦, 𝑚𝑎𝑛𝑖𝑝𝑢𝑙𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛, ℎ𝑒𝑙𝑝𝑙𝑒𝑠𝑠𝑛𝑒𝑠𝑠,

𝑡𝑜𝑟𝑡𝑢𝑟𝑒, 𝑐𝑎𝑝𝑡𝑖𝑣𝑖𝑡𝑦/𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑓𝑖𝑛𝑒𝑚𝑒𝑛𝑡, 𝑎𝑙𝑐𝑜ℎ𝑜𝑙/𝑑𝑟𝑢𝑔 𝑢𝑠𝑒.

𝑫𝒊𝒔𝒄𝒍𝒂𝒊𝒎𝒆𝒓: 𝐼 𝑑𝑜𝑛'𝑡 𝑜𝑤𝑛 𝑇ℎ𝑒 100 𝑜𝑟 𝑎𝑛𝑦 𝑜𝑓 𝑖'𝑠 𝑐ℎ𝑎𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑠. 𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑦 𝑏𝑒𝑙𝑜𝑛𝑔 𝑡𝑜

𝐾𝑎𝑠𝑠 𝑀𝑜𝑟𝑔𝑎𝑛. 𝑂𝑛𝑙𝑦 𝐶𝑎𝑠𝑠𝑖𝑑𝑦, 𝐸𝑜𝑖𝑛, 𝐸𝑚𝑏𝑒𝑟 & 𝐶𝑖𝑎𝑛 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑐ℎ𝑎𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑠 𝑜𝑓 𝑚𝑦 𝑜𝑤𝑛 𝑐𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛.

𝔻𝕖𝕕𝕚𝕔𝕒𝕥𝕖𝕕 𝕥𝕠 - 𝕨𝕙𝕠 𝔹𝕖𝕥𝕒 𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕤, 𝕤𝕦𝕡𝕡𝕠𝕣𝕥𝕤, 𝕕𝕚𝕤𝕔𝕦𝕤𝕤𝕖𝕤 𝕚𝕕𝕖𝕒𝕤 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕛𝕦𝕤𝕥

𝕘𝕖𝕟𝕖𝕣𝕒𝕝𝕝𝕪 𝕞𝕒𝕜𝕖𝕤 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕤 𝟙𝟘𝟘𝕩 𝕓𝕖𝕥𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕟 𝕚𝕥 𝕔𝕠𝕦𝕝𝕕 𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕣 𝕓𝕖 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙 𝕞𝕖 𝕒𝕝𝕠𝕟𝕖.

☓ ღ ➵ ღ ☓

𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑩𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒂𝒓𝒅𝒔


	3. ℙ𝕝𝕒𝕪𝕝𝕚𝕤𝕥

☓ ღ ➵ ღ ☓  
  
  


1\. 𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝑀𝑎𝑡𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝑇𝑜 𝑀𝑒

𝑺𝒂𝒓𝒂 𝑩𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒊𝒍𝒍𝒆𝒔, 𝑱𝒂𝒛𝒐𝒏 𝑴𝒓𝒂𝒛  
  
  
  


2\. 𝐶𝑙𝑎𝑟𝑖𝑡𝑦

𝒁𝒆𝒅𝒅, 𝑭𝒐𝒙𝒆𝒔  
  
  
  


3\. 𝑃𝑎𝑟𝑡𝑛𝑒𝑟𝑠 𝐼𝑛 𝐶𝑟𝑖𝑚𝑒

𝑺𝒆𝒕 𝑰𝒕 𝑶𝒇𝒇, 𝑨𝒔𝒉 𝑪𝒐𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒐  
  
  
  


4\. 𝐵𝑢𝑙𝑙𝑒𝑡𝑝𝑟𝑜𝑜𝑓 𝐻𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑡

𝑴𝒚 𝑪𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒊𝒄𝒂𝒍 𝑹𝒐𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆  
  
  


5\. 𝑊𝑎𝑣𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑇ℎ𝑟𝑜𝑢𝑔ℎ 𝐴 𝑊𝑖𝑛𝑑𝑜𝑤

𝑩𝒆𝒏 𝑷𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒕, 𝑶𝒓𝒊𝒈𝒊𝒏𝒂𝒍 𝑪𝒂𝒔𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝑫𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝑬𝒗𝒂𝒏 𝑯𝒂𝒏𝒔𝒆𝒏  
  
  
  
  


6\. 𝐽𝑢𝑠𝑡 𝐹𝑎𝑙𝑙

𝑨𝒏𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒎 𝑳𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒔  
  
  
  


7\. 𝑅𝑒𝑞𝑢𝑖𝑒𝑚

𝑳𝒂𝒖𝒓𝒂 𝑫𝒓𝒆𝒚𝒇𝒖𝒔𝒔, 𝑴𝒊𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒆𝒍 𝑷𝒂𝒓𝒌, 𝑱𝒆𝒏𝒏𝒊𝒇𝒆𝒓 𝑳𝒂𝒖𝒓𝒂 𝑻𝒉𝒐𝒎𝒑𝒔𝒐𝒏  
  
  
  
  


8\. 𝑊𝑎𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑈𝑝 𝑆𝑙𝑜𝑤 (𝑃𝑖𝑎𝑛𝑜 𝑉𝑒𝑟𝑠𝑖𝑜𝑛)

𝑮𝒂𝒃𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒆 𝑨𝒑𝒍𝒊𝒏  
  
  
  


9\. 𝐻𝑢𝑚𝑎𝑛

𝑪𝒉𝒓𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒂 𝑷𝒆𝒓𝒓𝒊  
  
  
  
  


10\. 𝐻𝑢𝑟𝑡

𝑳𝒂𝒅𝒚 𝑨  
  
  
  
  


11\. 𝐴𝑙𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑦 𝐺𝑜𝑛𝑒

𝑺𝒍𝒆𝒆𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑨𝒕 𝑳𝒂𝒔𝒕  
  
  


12\. 𝐹𝑒𝑒𝑙𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑠 𝐴𝑟𝑒 𝐹𝑎𝑡𝑎𝑙

𝑴𝒙𝒎𝒕𝒐𝒐𝒏  
  
  
  


13\. 𝐴𝑟𝑚𝑠

𝑪𝒉𝒓𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒂 𝑷𝒆𝒓𝒓𝒊  
  
  
  


14\. 𝐷𝑜𝑛'𝑡 𝐵𝑒 𝑆𝑐𝑎𝑟𝑒𝑑, 𝐼 𝐿𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑌𝑜𝑢

𝑩𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝑹𝒚𝒅𝒆𝒓-𝑱𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒔, 𝒀𝒂𝒘𝒏𝒚 𝒀𝒂𝒘𝒏  
  
  


15\. 𝐻𝑒𝑎𝑙

𝑻𝒐𝒎 𝑶𝒅𝒆𝒍𝒍  
  
  


16\. 𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝐹𝑎𝑢𝑙𝑡 𝐼𝑛 𝑂𝑢𝑟 𝑆𝑡𝑎𝑟𝑠

𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒚𝒆 𝑺𝒊𝒗𝒂𝒏  
  
  
  


17\. 𝐼𝑛 𝐶𝑎𝑠𝑒 𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝐷𝑜𝑛'𝑡 𝐿𝑖𝑣𝑒 𝐹𝑜𝑟𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟

𝑩𝒆𝒏 𝑷𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒕  
  
  
  


☓ ღ ➵ ღ ☓  
  
  
  



	4. 𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝕊𝕠𝕦𝕟𝕕 𝕆𝕗 𝕊𝕚𝕝𝕖𝕟𝕔𝕖

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 𝑪𝒂𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒅𝒚 𝑩𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒂𝒓𝒅 𝑠𝑝𝑒𝑛𝑡 ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑚𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑣𝑒 𝑦𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑠 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡𝑜 𝑠𝑒𝑐𝑢𝑟𝑒 𝑎 𝑏𝑒𝑡𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝑙𝑖𝑓𝑒 𝑓𝑜𝑟 ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑎𝑛𝑑 ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑓𝑎𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟, 𝑒𝑥𝑐𝑒𝑒𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑒𝑥𝑝𝑒𝑐𝑡𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠 𝑜𝑓 𝑎 𝑐ℎ𝑖𝑙𝑑 𝑓𝑟𝑜𝑚 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑙𝑜𝑤𝑒𝑟 𝑠𝑒𝑐𝑡𝑜𝑟𝑠 𝑜𝑓 𝐴𝑟𝑔𝑜 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑎𝑛 𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑛𝑠ℎ𝑖𝑝 𝑖𝑛 𝑚𝑒𝑑𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑙. 𝐼𝑛 𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑜𝑓 ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑝𝑙𝑎𝑛𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔, 𝑠ℎ𝑒 𝑛𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑖𝑚𝑎𝑔𝑖𝑛𝑒𝑑 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑠ℎ𝑒 𝑤𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑏𝑒 𝑖𝑚𝑝𝑟𝑖𝑠𝑜𝑛𝑒𝑑 𝑖𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑆𝑘𝑦𝑏𝑜𝑥. 𝑆𝑖𝑙𝑒𝑛𝑐𝑒 𝑏𝑒𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑠 ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑜𝑛𝑙𝑦 𝑤𝑎𝑦 𝑜𝑓 𝑝𝑟𝑜𝑡𝑒𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑑 𝑜𝑛𝑒𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑏𝑒𝑒𝑛 𝑐𝑎𝑢𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝑢𝑝 𝑖𝑛 ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑚𝑖𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑘𝑒𝑠 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑜𝑛𝑐𝑒 𝑠ℎ𝑒 𝑎𝑟𝑟𝑖𝑣𝑒𝑠 𝑜𝑛 𝐸𝑎𝑟𝑡ℎ, 𝑠ℎ𝑒 𝑚𝑢𝑠𝑡 𝑟𝑒𝑑𝑖𝑠𝑐𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑟 ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑣𝑜𝑖𝑐𝑒 𝑖𝑛 𝑜𝑟𝑑𝑒𝑟 𝑡𝑜 𝑠𝑢𝑟𝑣𝑖𝑣𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑡𝑟𝑖𝑎𝑙𝑠 𝑎ℎ𝑒𝑎𝑑 𝑜𝑓 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑚. 𝐹𝑜𝑟𝑡𝑢𝑛𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑙𝑦, 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑖𝑠 𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑑𝑒𝑙𝑖𝑛𝑞𝑢𝑒𝑛𝑡 𝑤ℎ𝑜 ℎ𝑎𝑠 𝑛𝑜 𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠 𝑜𝑓 𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑜𝑤𝑖𝑛𝑔 ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑡𝑜 𝑟𝑒𝑝𝑒𝑎𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑝𝑎𝑠𝑡.

Sitting in the corner of the Skybox canteen where I knew that I couldn’t be crept up on, I obsessively watched my surroundings. The constant state of hypervigilance was exhausting beyond description and the lack of sleep only worsened that feeling. A week had already passed since my imprisonment and I hadn’t spoken a word. I was uninterested in the bravado that was regularly shared in this environment as everyone strained to bolster their reputation and as a result, I felt that it was wasteful to reach out to anyone. The other inmates appeared to be quite comfortable as they socialised together, behaving as if this were a completely normal situation and I wondered how long it took to become blaise about life as a delinquent. 

The cold metal of the bench slowly seeped into my skin and I fidgeted with my sleeves in an effort to cover more of my arms. It was concerning to behold some of the skimpy outfits that the female residents wore, but I reminded myself that most people my age were more concerned with their appearance than comfort. My father often joked that I was born cold and for much of my childhood, he fondly nicknamed me Frosty. I missed hearing that name now more than ever in my solitary existence. I curled closer into myself in the hope to generate more heat as I scanned the room with a nervous bounce in my leg. 

A raucous conversation from a nearby table caught my attention, where a group proudly exchanged tall tales and I rolled my eyes in frustration. I was envious of the freedom with which they were able to discuss their crimes and the confident way that they ignored the guards, as if they weren’t a threat. As I assessed my surroundings, I reminded myself that I’d declined a plea deal that could have prevented this situation and sighed as I rubbed at. Y tired eyes. I was still in a state of disbelief about my incarceration; until one week ago, everything in my life seemed to be falling neatly into place exactly as I’d meticulously planned. For many years I studied hard to ensure that I could provide for my family and as a result I knew that I had a bright future ahead of me. Ending up in lockup had never crossed my mind and as I sat nervously knitting my hands together, I had to acknowledge that some part of me awaited rescue. 

I almost jumped out of my seat as a guard appeared at my side and pulled me from my thoughts.

“Ballard. Follow me.” He ordered firmly and I peeked up at him with terrified eyes. It was still unnerving to be addressed by my surname and it was a painful reminder of my status as a prisoner.

I obediently got to my feet without question and followed the hulking man with shaking legs. My mind raced through scenarios as I was paraded out of the canteen and I hoped that I wasn’t being taken for another gruelling interview. I had tried everything that I could think of to blend into the background here, hoping that perhaps they might forget about me, but inwardly I knew that this wasn’t a tactic that was likely to be effective. The guard led me to a security door that he opened with a keycard and stepped aside to indicate with his arm that I needed to enter alone. With a dreadful anxiety crushing my chest, I hesitated for a moment to take a deep breath and steeled myself as I walked into the unknown. 

“Cassidy!” A familiar voice announced as I entered the small room and I was startled by the presence of Abby. She scanned me with an expression of deep concern, her long brunette hair framing her pretty, affectionate face and I could easily identify that her eyes were filled with unspent tears. She rushed forward to embrace me and the moment that her arms wrapped around me protectively, I was immediately calmed by her warmth. She seemed to hold onto me for dear life and I felt no urgency to rush her away, allowing myself to indulge in her comfort. When she finally pulled away, she kept a tight grip on my shoulders to thoroughly scrutinise my condition. 

“Are you alright? Has anyone hurt you?” She investigated with a hoarse voice and I shook my head gratefully. “Thank god! I can’t believe that they put you in here.” She stated with an obvious frustration as she guided me to a couple of seats and maintained a grip on my arm as we settled into place beside each other. “I’m sorry I didn’t get here sooner. They wouldn’t let me see you.” She explained with an apologetic tone and I couldn’t help a slight smile at the thought that whilst I’d been feeling abandoned, she’d actually been trying to reach me.

“Is my old man okay?” I enquired in a small, nervous voice and she viewed me with an obvious sympathy. My father required regular care to manage his condition, care that I had provided for my years now. The decision to study medicine had developed from this experiment and my commitment had resulted in me securing my place as an intern in the Go-Sci clinic. 

During my placement, I was assigned Dr Abigail Griffin as my resident and she quickly became a treasured mother figure in my life. Our relationship had grown so close that it was difficult to identify where my family ended and hers began. Her daughter Clarke assisted in the clinic whenever we were short handed and although we hadn’t had the opportunity to develop a strong bond, I was certain that I liked her. 

It was soothing to spend time in Abby’s familiar company and this was the first moment of normality that I’d had following the shock of my imprisonment.

“Yes, sweetheart. I’m keeping an eye on him. Don’t worry. I’ll make sure that he gets his medication.” She promised with a fond smile and I felt my shoulders drop their tension at her assertion. Since my mother was floated, I’d carried the responsibility of planning for our family and at times, it was almost impossible to afford the medication that my father depended on to survive. Although the stress of this responsibility had supposedly been the cause of my mother's irrational behaviour, I was determined to manage his needs more efficiently and built my life around this desire. Meeting Abby had provided a level of stability that I had never known during my upbringing and I was eternally grateful to know that I could always depend on her. 

“I can’t understand how this happened. They’re saying that you won’t tell them anything?” She started to explain and I furrowed my brows at her. It hadn’t crossed my mind that the guards would possibly discuss any details of my case with her before she visited. I considered her position on the council and quickly realised that they were likely depending on her bond with me to gain valuable information, whether she realised her part in it or not. I had already been barraged with questions by the guards when I declined to give a statement in my defence at the time of my arrest. 

The nature of their interrogation had indicated that the council was unaware of the arrangements behind the routine delivery of medication that I had completed that morning. I easily understood that any explanation I provided would only result in further unjustified arrests and so I simply accepted the punishment without attempting to fight for myself. The guards charged me with smuggling drugs for profit and the moment that I was informed of the verdict, my world came crashing down. 

Abby sighed in disappointment at my silent reaction and scanned the room in an effort to decide on her next words. 

“I know that you wouldn’t have done something malicious. You’re a good girl, Cassidy. You don’t get mixed up in anything and you know that you’re valuable. You must be able to explain so that they realise you don’t belong here.” She suggested as she examined my face closely and I met her eyes with reluctance. 

I was unsure if there was anything that I could divulge that would satisfy her, but I couldn’t withstand the pain in her eyes as she poured her heart out. My chest ached as I longed for the simple days that we’d once shared, when I still worked beside her in the clinic and I wished that my life could have remained that way. Unfortunately, as part of gaining my qualification, it was necessary for me to rotate around various doctors and I never anticipated that this process would derail my life permanently. 

I struggled with the weight of my regrets as Abby’s eyes bore into my face.

“I thought it was authorised.” I whispered as quietly as I could manage, fearful that I was being trapped somehow and I knew that this was the only justification that I could risk providing. 

“I knew that you had to have believed that.” She asserted with a hint of pride in her melancholy voice. She fixed me with a scrutinising look and I felt uncomfortable under the intensity of her gaze. “Who asked you to do the delivery?” She interrogated with the kind of authority that only a mother could resource and I felt my stomach lurch. I held my blank expression despite my deep temptation to crumble into her for comfort. “I have my suspicions, but there’s only so much that I can do without any information. The warden said that they offered you a deal?” She enquired with a hint of hope and I gulped nervously, realising she hadn’t been informed that I’d already declined the offer. 

“The names of any co-conspirators in exchange for a guaranteed release on my eighteenth birthday and solitary confinement for the length of my sentence for protection.” I confirmed quietly and I watched her eyes widen in horror as it dawned on her that I would not be accepting it. I couldn’t explain that I still adamantly believed that I was protecting a noble cause without potentially implicating the others and had to bite my lip to contain the truth that longed to escape my lips. 

“Cassidy, I don't know who you think you’re protecting, but you don't have to let them throw you under the bus. You’re smarter than this. Please, don’t be a martyr.” She appealed with evident desperation and I raised my internal defences to her pleas. Though she didn’t see, to realise it, her insinuation that the others involved didn’t care about me was hurtful and it was gut wrenching to know that I couldn’t ask for any details about their behaviour since my arrest without raising suspicions. I crossed my arms in a sulking silence and she sighed disappointedly at me when I continued to hold my tongue. “You know that you can trust me?” She stated finally, reaching out to take my hand in hers and I shook my head at her as I pulled my hand away. In truth, I wasn’t confident that I could trust anyone after the bizarre circumstances that led me here and even as her expression crumbled into despair, I kept my jaw tightly clenched.

For once, I was relieved when the guards re-entered to announce that visitation was over and allowed them to escort me from the room with a heavy feeling of exhaustion. I couldn’t cope with any further investigations and for the first time since my incarceration began, I was glad to return to the peace of my cell. 

  
Another week passed in the same uneventful pattern and I started to feel that I might collapse from the exhaustion of constantly expecting danger. I hadn’t spoken a word to anyone since my time in the visitation room with Abby, but this wasn’t as difficult as I would have imagined; long periods of quiet had always been in my nature. Although it was common for others to consider me timid because of my reserved personality, I had discovered that this misconception gave me an unexpected advantage. 

Over the years I had noticed that people were more inclined to speak freely to fill the silence and they often did not expect me to repeat anything. I was resourceful enough to realise that this was a skill that I could benefit from and I used it to befriend the deviant youth that could provide me with supplies that I wouldn’t otherwise be able to source. There were plenty of ways to misplace medical herbs on Agro station and I used these alongside my developing medical knowledge to decrease the amount of medication that my father needed. 

Unfortunately, my silence now was more deeply rooted in a distrust for those around me and constant fear that I would accidentally reveal something that could have far reaching consequences, but I was thankful for the years of practice that made it easier to maintain.

I was so lost in thought that I didn’t notice the approach of the other inmate until her lunch tray clattered on the table and I startled dramatically at her arrival. 

“Hey! It's cool. Don’t freak out. I come in peace.” She announced as she held her hands in the air with a warm smile. I regarded her with wide eyes as I bought my legs up onto the bench and curled into myself protectively. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” She added gently as he assessed my defensive behaviour and I made a concentrated effort to slow my breathing following the initial jolt of panic.

She shrugged casually at my lack of response and instead turned her attention to the tray of food in front of her. We sat in silence whilst she ate and I got the impression that she was giving me a chance to decide whether I was going to stay or scarper to safety. I was appreciative of the reprieve in conversation, but also surprised to find that she didn’t seem at all frustrated by my silence. She pondered me with a sympathetic expression and I couldn’t help wondering what she wanted from me. I hadn’t noticed her face before and I was sure that I hadn’t done anything to draw her attention. She pushed her long dark hair over her shoulder in a distracted gesture and her kind eyes sparkled with wisdom as she seemed to be analysing me. There was something about her demeanour that felt familiarly calming and she seemed completely at ease within the confines of the prison.

“You’re Cassidy, right?” She enquired warmly and I furrowed my brow at her. “The guards told me.” She explained with a shrug and I felt my heart skip a beat. “I’m Stacey. I watch out for people here, especially the newbies; I’m basically the lockup mum.” She scoffed, as she examined me with interest and I clenched my jaw reflectively. I couldn’t imagine why the guards would send someone who intended to take care of me and was suspicious that this was another ploy to make me speak. 

“You don’t have to be so nervous. I’ve heard the stories that they tell about lockup, that it’s filled with the worst scourge of the Ark, dangerous criminals that would stab you just as quickly as look at you. The truth is that it's mostly just kids who had little choice in their crimes. We’re all here because we did what it took to survive. Don’t get me wrong; there are definitely  _ some _ dangerous people here, but most are just normal kids. So you can stop sitting here expecting to die at any moment.” She teased with a wink and I shuffled awkwardly, uncertain how to respond to the sudden interest. We sat in silence for a few minutes longer whilst she ate, before she returned her attention to me with a sigh. “Look, kid. I don’t know your story, all they told me was your name. I just came over because you’ve been here for weeks and I haven’t seen you talk to a single person. I’ve hardly even seen you eat and you don’t look like you’re sleeping either. I remember what it’s like to end up here, it’s a shock. Whatever happened to you has already happened. Now you’ve gotta keep living.” She advised in a well practiced manner and I stared back at her in bewilderment. It was clear that she had supported several inmates in their transition to lockup life and although I was still cautious, I hoped that she could help me too. 

Over the coming days, I learned to expect the consistent appearance of Stacey at my table every lunch time. I’d noticed that she rotated around people throughout the day and I could easily recognise that she was serious about her self declared title as the prison mother. It was obvious that people were able to relax whilst in her company and I’d even witnessed her breakup fights before they escalated enough for the guards to intervene. Throughout her time with me, I always remained silent and she gradually filled me in on the inmates that I needed to avoid. There weren’t many that she considered to be dangerous, but I was glad to be able to identify them. This knowledge gave me the slightest hint of safety that I had been craving. Most of the time, she simply chatted about the importance of retaining a sense of normality and imparted useful tips that she’d picked up in her time here. It was comforting to simply enjoy her presence, even if I wasn’t able to trust her enough to speak. 

Stacey happily chatted away whilst I picked at the contents of my tray that could almost be described as food. Things were relaxed and comfortable in a way that only happened when she was around and despite my suspicions, I tried to appreciate the time for what it was. I jolted upright as I caught the sound of raised voices and Stacey turned sharply in her seat to investigate what was causing the commotion. She reluctantly raised to her feet and met my eyes with an apologetic smile.

“I have to deal with this. Be right back.” She stated as she strode over to several boys who had crowded together. I quickly tore my gaze away in fear that they might notice I was watching and involve me.

As I scanned the crowded cafeteria my gaze was drawn to an inmate who I had noticed a few times before already. He was tall and slender, with medium length chestnut brown hair that was loosely pushed back. His face was chiseled, with sharp cheekbones and striking blue eyes. I had regularly observed him causing some kind of scene in the common areas of lockup and he seemed to enjoy the act of gaining an audience. There was a certain arrogance in the way that he strode around that should be off putting, but somehow it was strangely attractive. Even though he wore the same combat trousers, dark t-shirt and black bomber jacket that most of us owned, there was something more alternative about the way that he modelled them. There were several patches of his jacket that were studded, including a bright red section on his shoulder and I noted several other details that indicated a hint of punk in his style that I was admittedly impressed by. 

I was pulled from my thoughts when Stacey took a seat opposite me again with a sigh. I tried to dart my eyes away, but I knew from the smirk that she wore as she addressed me that she had already caught me staring.

“You spend a lot of time watching him for someone who is so determined to isolate themselves.” She commented in a suggestive tone and I tried to hide my embarrassment behind my hair. She peeked over her shoulder at the boy in question and I followed her line of sight. He was surrounded by a small crowd who clearly supported his antics as they chuckled loudly in encouragement. 

“That’s Murphy.” Stacey informed as she returned to facing me, her brow quirked at me with a devilish curiosity. “He’s a bit of a hothead and most of the time behaves like a douche, but he’s pretty much harmless.” She confirmed with a sly smile and I listened keenly to any information that I could gain on him. “I don’t know what he’s here for. He likes to tell stories and his humour is too sharp to get any actual information out of him. He’s been here long enough that I’ve learned not to be fooled by his act. He’s all bark and no bite unless you really go for him.” She revealed and I wasn’t sure why I felt relieved at this information. “Although...you look like you want to go for him.” She suggested with a wink and I shook my head vigorously as my cheeks burned with heat. “Right, of course. My mistake.” She drawled with a smug smile and I bit my lip nervously.

***

Days turned into weeks and I hadn’t seen any sign of Stacey anywhere in lockup. It was bizarre for her to suddenly disappear and I couldn’t deny that I was unnerved by her absence. My time in the common areas was substantially harder without her warm company and I hardly managed to relax at all. The visits from Abby were fortunately frequent and she filled me in on the activities at the clinic in an effort to keep me connected with the rest of the Ark, between her desperate requests that I confess to the guards. I maintained the exhausting resolve to keep the secret, despite being pulled into interrogation by the guards at least once a week. Abby ensured me that my father was being adequately cared for and asserted that she was working night and day to get me released, both of which were a massive factor in keeping my sanity in check. 

It was weeks before I overheard another inmate confirm that Stacey had been floated and it seemed from her lack of goodbyes that she had expected to be pardoned. I was devastated by her loss and couldn’t deny a feeling that she didn’t deserve to meet this end after the care that she had continually given to others in her time here. 

Over the coming days I noticed that the atmosphere within lockup changed. The inmates gathered into small gangs in an effort to protect themselves and there was a serious increase in the conflict between them. I witnessed more arguments that rapidly escalated into fights and regularly caught sight of people crying, or having emotional outbursts in the halls. It became painfully clear that Stacey had been responsible for the balance of the prisoners and I realised that the others were never as well adjusted as I had first believed. 

I mentioned the growing chaos in passing during a conversation with Abby and a few days later she arrived with some basic art supplies. It was a struggle to contain tears of joy as I took them back to my cell and lost myself in the safety of sketching. It was substantially easier to pass my silent time now that I had this distraction and the next few weeks flew past without my notice. 

By the next visit from Abby, I had finally started to adjust to the routine of lockup and silence became a lifestyle for me. I sat quietly on the cold seat of the visitation room, whilst she detailed the events of her days and listened with a warm appreciation.

“Your father is doing well. As a matter of fact, he’s in remission and I’ve been able to change him to another medication that’s showing very promising results.” She reported in a bright voice and I smiled gratefully. “Unfortunately, I still haven’t been able to convince him to visit you. He says that his heart couldn’t manage it and honestly, I’m worried it might send him into a depressive episode.” She sighed with regret and I nodded slowly in acknowledgement. Although I missed him more than anything, the last thing that I wanted was to cause him to relapse. “I can tell where you get your stubbornness from.” She added as she smiled at me fondly and I chucked quietly under my breath.

I appreciated this comment more than she could ever know, as I treasured the quiet strength that I shared with my father. He was a man of little words, but I only felt that it made the things he did say all the more profound. My mother had always been frustrated by our similarity and had little appreciation for his unquestionable durability, even in the face of a chronic illness that he would never be able to escape. She often called me a dormouse and expressed her disappointment in my lack of character. I considered it likely that I’d developed my reserved nature because there was no room for anything other than background characters in my mother's one man show and instead developed a pride in the traits that I had in common with my father. 

Abby sat in silence for a few minutes longer as she considered her next words carefully.

“Cassidy, I wish that you would just tell me what happened. I know in my heart that you don’t deserve to be here. Please, help me to prove that. Whoever it is that you’re trying to protect, it isn’t worth it. I’m the only visitor that you’ve had in all of this time. I asked the guards and they said that you don’t even receive any post! Whoever asked you to do this, they’ve left you here without any concern for you, sweetheart.” Abby’s appeal was passionate and filled with emotion as her pleading eyes met mine. I battled to keep the upset from my face as I knitted my hands together and clenched my jaw. It was painful to witness the care that she addressed me with and only exacerbated my longing for the motherly love that I had been deprived for so many years. “You really are your father’s daughter.” She sighed in disappointment and I shrugged at her as I sniffed back tears.

When I returned to my cell I felt drained from enduring another of Abby’s grillings and spent some time sketching to calm myself. I had always shared my love of art with my father, after he taught me to draw as a child in an effort to encourage some self expression out of me. Whilst my mother berated my quietness, he invested time into directing it as he introduced me to creativity. We read books together in the evenings, when my mother would leave to pursue her strangely bustling social life and he spent countless hours assisting me to develop my sketch techniques. I suspected that as his sickness left him restricted to our quarters often, he encouraged my interests out of a desire for company, but I didn’t mind as it was ideal for my naturally introverted personality.

I became so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t even realise what I was drawing until my focus returned and I was met with a painfully familiar set of eyes. I sighed at the details of the piece that confirmed I had committed every part of this person to memory well enough to replicate. 

During my time at medical, I had grown close to one particular senior named Cian. It had been a gradual process, as we studied together late into the night and I bought him coffee for the early shifts to demonstrate my commitment. At first, our relationship was purely professional as I strived to learn as much from him as possible and worked unbelievable amounts of overtime in an effort to stand out from the other juniors. It wasn’t until one evening, long past the clinic closing, when only the two of us remained that he revealed he had chosen to study medicine to care for his sick mother and we talked late into the night about our similar goals to help the underprivileged. 

I had never met anyone who I could speak so authentically with and I felt understood in a way that was foreign to me. He confided in me that he was working on a project to provide medication to those in need and it wasn’t long until my admiration developed into infatuation. Between the longing looks and awkward accidental touches, we managed to gather a small team of interns to breathe life into his dream. I didn’t even have to consider it when he asked me to make a delivery for him and I relished in feeling that I was making a difference.

Lifting my hand from the jarring piece of art, I found that I had ink splotches all over the side and decided that I needed a distraction. I used my allotted time in the bathroom and returned to my cell to try to calm my gravity defying hair. Glancing in the mirror at my long, thin face, I adjusted the detailed ring that sat between my nostrils, dangling just above my thick, plump lips. With a frustrated sigh, I made a brief effort to shape my thick black brows but there was little that I’d ever been able to do to tame them.

After a wash, my locks were always wildly volumised and the colour seemed even more vivid than usual. As a result of an intense treatment and drug detox that my mother had endured whilst pregnant, my hair was a strange mix of black and green that no one had ever been able to explain. Those close to me found it endearingly hilarious and over the years I’d learned to ignore the stares of others. The tips brushed against my jaw in an irritating way and I had to constantly push it out of my deeply earth brown eyes. My father had always described me with doe eyes as they were large, inquisitive and surrounded by thick long lashes that I batted coyly when I wanted something.

I crossed the room to grab my worn out black jumper and slid it on over the black tank that I had been wearing, feeling the cold thanks to my damp hair. As I slipped into the sleeves I took a moment to appreciate the multiple tattoos that littered my cool, fawn skin and was glad that I had been able to convince the artists on Argo to decorate my body with my sketches. After multiple sessions, they had even taught me to tattoo and the result was several small doodles in places that I could reach. 

Flopping onto the poor excuse for a bed, I sighed at the ceiling as I reflected on Abby’s words. She was correct that I hadn’t heard from anyone involved in the deliveries that led to my arrest, not even Cian, but I reassured myself that they were unable to due to suspicion. My only wish was that they had been honest with me from the start and I felt sympathetic as I imagined the guilt that Cian must carry for the results. I knew that he wouldn't ever purposely risk my safety and swore that once the guards lost interest in pushing me, he would get in touch.

***

I hadn’t received a visit from Abby in weeks and although I’d sent a few letters, I suspected that the guards might have intercepted them. Anxiety grew unchecked in my mind, convincing me that I had upset her and although I was confident that she would continue to care for my father, I couldn’t quash the fear that her continued absence caused. 

With little remaining options, I decided to write to my father for an explanation and after a few days of relentless terror, I received a response that stunned me to the core. He confirmed that he was still receiving the medication that he needed, but revealed that Jake Griffin had been floated for treason and Clarke had been imprisoned as an accomplice.

My heart broke for Abby and I spent countless sleepless nights worrying about how she was coping. I searched every wing of lockup that I could access and was unable to find any trace of Clarke. Eventually, I discovered that she had been placed in solitary confinement for her own protection, as was offered to me and I managed to convince a guard to pass a note to her. I kept the message brief, simply stating that I was sorry she had ended up here too and that I was thinking of her. Even if I couldn’t support her, I hoped that knowing she had a friend inside would provide her with even a slight degree of comfort. 

***

6 months had passed since the day that my life ended and silence no longer felt alien to me. I was stunned that the guards were still grilling me for answers and seemed more determined than ever to bust the group responsible for the deliveries. The interrogations gradually became less frequent as they tired of asking the same questions and hoped they realised that I wasn’t as intimidated by these sessions as I had been in the beginning. 

I had settled into the clockwork routines of incarceration completely and although I was lonely, I kept myself distracted. The visitation from Abby had become a rarity and I had started to receive occasional letter from my father. The remainder of my time was spent sketching from my table in the corner of the canteen and though I had watched several prisoners come and go, none had ever attempted to talk to me since Stacey. Sometimes I felt like an outsider, but on the whole that suited me fine. 

Positioned in my usual seat, I filled a page with small doodles and as I worked on a sunshine with intense concentration, I was abruptly interrupted by a deep voice as someone cleared their throat right above me. I started in my seat and tore my eyes up from the page to find the intimidating stature of Murphy studying me with interest. My breath caught in anticipation as I waited for him to speak and I could feel my heart hammering in my chest.

“What’s a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?” He drawled with a brow raised at me suggestively and I stared back at him in wide eyed shock. I darted my gaze to either side of me to check that there wasn’t anyone else that he could be addressing. Once I'd been satisfied that he was definitely speaking to me, I returned to face him to find that he was observing my doubt with amusement. In the absence of any kind of witty comeback, I simply slowly shrugged at him and he scoffed.

“Got nothing, huh?” He commented and much to my horror, he casually dropped himself into the seat opposite me. “Murphy.” He stated with a confident nod at me and my stomach lurched with anxiety as he waited expectantly for a response. I’d become so accustomed to silence that I’d practically forgotten how to speak to anyone other than Abby and I couldn’t find my voice in the face of such an unexpected interaction. After several moments of awkward silence, Murphy finally sighed. 

“Okay, what’s your deal? You’ve been here for  _ months _ and you haven’t spoken to  _ anyone _ . No one in this joint even knows your name. How does that happen?” He interrogated with a state of disbelief and I shuffled awkwardly under his gaze. I couldn’t imagine why he would care and it was bizarre for him to approach me with no obvious reason. He examined me with frustration evident behind his cool exterior and I gulped nervously, expecting an outburst from him at any moment. He opened his mouth to speak again, when a couple of inmates surrounded us and one slammed a hand on his shoulder.

“Sorry man, that’s time. You lose.” The stranger commented and Murphy hissed in frustration. As I examined them, I realised that I’d often seen these two guys hanging around with him and it was clear that there was a playful familiarity that barely covered the tension I could sense between them.

“I told you bro. She’s mute. Not even you can get her to speak, Romeo.” The other inmate was obnoxiously loud and addressed Murphy with a mocking nickname that he was clearly unappreciative of. I flinched at his grating voice as he fussed around Murphy, who stood in a sharp, irritable movement to face the waiting boys.

“Don’t get used to winning.” He threatened as he handed over something too quickly for me to make out. The two others rushed off with hyena-like laughter, but Murphy hesitated on the spot. He glanced down at the doodles in front of me with an interested smile before his eyes roamed their way back to my face. “See you around, Sunshine.” He remarked with a wink before he strode away, leaving me in a state of disbelief.


	5. 𝔹𝕣𝕠𝕜𝕖𝕟 𝔹𝕠𝕦𝕟𝕕𝕒𝕣𝕚𝕖𝕤

“So. Mbege drops the supplies everywhere, right and everyone turns to look at him. I’m thinking: it’s over, we’re finished.” 

Murphy spoke with enthusiastic hand gestures as he lost himself in the story that he was telling and I nodded to indicate that I was listening. He frequently gave exaggerated performances of his escapades on the Ark and although I was sure that a large majority of them were bravado, I enjoyed the company regardless. I wasn’t sure how to explain the bizarre dynamic between us that had developed over the past few months. It wasn’t quite a friendship; it couldn’t be when I’d never uttered a word to him and sometimes I questioned whether he even liked me, or if he simply enjoyed the opportunity to boast to a willing listener without interruptions. The more that I considered our bond, the more complex it became, as I realised that I was unsure whether I liked him either, or if his tall tales were purely a better choice than constant solitude. 

Murphy was arrogant and loud, both things that were usually incredibly off putting for a timid personality like me. It was clear that he wasn’t particularly interested in a balanced friendship, as long as he had someone listening he was content to talk at them. I’d noticed that he also enjoyed watching me sketch and I theorised that it was simply a lack of entertainment that drew him to me. He closed his story with a thrilling end as usual and I smiled slyly at him whilst I continued to sketch.

“So. At some point you’re gonna tell me your name, right?” He asked, placing his elbows comfortably on the table between us as he leaned toward me with interest and I stared back at him with wide eyes, caught off guard by his sudden question. He relentlessly examined me, causing me to feel immensely pressured in the silence and eventually I shrugged back at him awkwardly. “Still undecided, huh? I guess I’ll just stick with Sunshine for now then.” He stated and I released a long breath that I didn’t realise I had been holding. We lapsed into silence as I returned to sketching and he observed me with interest. 

Murphy was obviously entirely comfortable around me, sitting with one leg up on the bench in a relaxed slouch and I wondered how he could be so at ease around someone who never spoke. He’d been around often enough for it to feel like he knew me well, but realistically I’d been little more than a sounding board for his thoughts. There was no set routine for when he would show up. He simply appeared and dropped himself at my table as if he belonged there whenever it took his fancy. I questioned whether this inconsistency was to prevent me from becoming too dependent on his company, or rather a tactic for him to maintain his influence amongst the other groups that he hung out with. 

“Really? Wolves?” He remarked and I glanced up from my work in surprise. He was examining me with a brow raised in interest and I shifted slightly in my seat. I’d been working on this piece for a couple of days now and it was finally forming into a picture of a pack of wolves surrounding a small, fluffy rabbit. It was unusual for me to do a full piece like this, but I’d grown tired of doodling and the image had been haunting my dreams for a while, so I hoped that committing it to paper might help me to move past it. “If the wolves are supposed to be the other prisoners, they should at least look rabid.” He added with a sly smile and I fixed him with an unimpressed expression. “Oh, don’t look at me like that, Sunshine. It’s just the truth and sometimes the truth hurts.” He crooned and I rolled my eyes at him in disappointment.

A while passed without any further attempts at conversation and Murphy ate his lunch whilst I slowly added the finer details to my work, acutely aware of his observation. It was strange to explain, but even though his presence was brash and at times overwhelming, there was still something oddly comforting about having him around. My work seemed better when done opposite him, as if his admiration inspired me and although he rarely gave direct compliments, he made it clear in his behaviour that he was amazed by what I could accomplish. I suspected that he didn’t have a great deal of access to the arts before now, as I considered my sketches to be somewhat basic and it gave me a new perspective on how fortunate I had been to have a father who nurtured my interests.

“What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes?” Murphy broke the silence with a bizarre question and I glanced up at him suspiciously. He stared back at me expectantly, as if awaiting a reply and I knew that he was hoping to trick me into speaking. It had been such a long time that we’d sat together with me in silence now that I felt too self conscious to answer him, as if he was simply awaiting his chance to win a wager and worried that he would drop me the first moment that he accomplished his goal. Instead, I simply arched a brow at him in silent response. “A do-you-think-he-saw-us.” He announced proudly, an amused smirk spreading across his lips as he awaited my response.

“Pfft!” A quiet giggle burst from my lips, despite my best efforts to remain unmoved and he seemed thoroughly intrigued as he leaned close to me.

“So, you  **do** have a voice box, at least.” He remarked with enthusiasm and I shook my head at him in disbelief. I’d known in my gut that he was up to something and after numerous attempts to gain a verbal response from me, I was hardly surprised to find that this very out of character joke was yet another tactic. “And apparently a sense of humour too. Noted. So, you’re just choosing not to speak? Interesting. Tell me, Sunshine...who broke you?” He interrogated in a dead-pan tone and I tilted my head at him disapprovingly. Though I could understand his frustration at my continued silence, I couldn’t move past my suspicions, still feeling that he could possibly even be a mole for the guards. I clenched my jaw, causing him to release a deep sigh and begin to fidget out of his seat. 

“Well, I’m going to make a move before you talk my ear off. Honestly, it’s impossible to get a word in edgeways with you.” He stated with a playful wink, before he got to his feet and gathered his things to leave. In a spontaneous decision, I ripped the finished sketch from my pad and held it out to him. Whilst he’d been chatting mindlessly, I’d allowed my feelings to dictate the rest of the piece and added a wolf at the side of the rabbit, protecting it from the rest of the pack. Murphy examined it for a moment, before peering at me over the top with a taken aback smile. “For me? Awesome. I'll stick it to the wall in my concrete box.” He breezed, smiling widely before he strolled away and left me alone in the large canteen.

╳°»｡ ∾･⁙･ ღ ➵ ⁘ ➵ ღ ･⁙･∾ ｡«°╳

As per my usual routine, I sat in the cafeteria doodling in my book and my mind wandered. I couldn’t help feeling distracted lately, as Abby’s visits became even more infrequent and Murphy had been absent, leaving me with plenty of time to reflect. Most of the inmates were in high spirits following their visitation sessions this morning, but I’d had no one ask to see me and I recalled a conversation that I’d had with Abby at the beginning of my sentence. As it turned out, she’d been painfully correct in her assumptions that the people who were involved in my crime wouldn’t reach out to me and as time passed, it grew difficult to remain faithful that they had no bad intentions. I struggled to hold on to the belief that they were being monitored and could not risk any contact with me, but the continued silence was becoming taxing.

When I finally returned my attention to my art, I realised that I had filled the page with tiny details that would only be recognisable to me, every one of them relating to Cian. Viewed as a whole, I had essentially created a tribute to my feelings for him and even the sight of it made my heart ache. I was tired of not speaking, holding my opinion inside and living in terror, and the idea of serving the remainder of my punishment in such a manner was daunting.

“Alright. Serious question for you.” Murphy’s sudden voice startled me from my thoughts, as he appeared by the table and glanced down at me with interest. I quickly hid the artwork underneath my pad, but was pretty certain he’d already seen it by his crooked brow. “If I told you that you had a great body, would you hold it against me?” He drawled, a confident smirk filling his handsome features and I rolled my eyes at him. He chuckled as he settled into his usual seat opposite me, clattering his tray loudly on the table. It had become a frequent greeting for him to announce his arrival with some sort of witty chat up line or another, and although I would never admit it, I’d actually come to look forward to them.

“You know, not only have I never heard you talk, but I hardly ever see you eat either. I’m starting to think that you might be a figment of my imagination.” He mumbled between bites of his food and I shook my head at him with a quiet laugh. It had been weeks since I’d seen him last and his company relaxed my frazzled mind. He placed his food down and stared at me with an intensity that was unusual for him, catching me off guard. 

“Okay, really? We’ve been hanging out at lunch for months now and I still don’t know anything about you, other than that you draw. I mean, why are you even here? You hardly seem dangerous. What station are you from? Do you have any family?” He quizzed and I shuffled uncomfortably in my seat at his onslaught of questions. “Shit. I don’t even know your name!” He muttered, staring at me impatiently and I chewed on my lip, caught between my fear of being alone and my paranoia that he might be spying on me. 

“Why am I even wasting my time on you? It was fun having someone to listen for a while, but you’re clearly never going to talk. Forget it.” He spat as he rose to his feet, every movement radiating with aggravation and as he took his first step away, I could contain my feelings no longer.

“Cassidy!” I blurted, hardly even recognising the sound of my own voice as it emerged sharp and frantic, and Murphy whipped back to face me in disbelief. I could tell from his expression that he was unsure whether the sound had actually come from me or not, as he’d had his back to me at the time and I cleared my throat with a wave of anxiety. “Cassidy.” I repeated, gentler this time to ensure that only he would hear and his brows shot up in shock, before he slowly sank back into his seat.

“That’s your name?” He asked carefully and I nodded back in confirmation. There were a few moments of tense silence as he analysed me, seeming as if he suspected that I had swindled him with false information, before he finally relaxed his shoulders just slightly. “You sound  **different** . I can’t tell what it is. What station are you from?” He interrogated as he thinned his eyes at me, crossing his arms across his chest and I dropped my gaze down to the table to avoid him. I gulped as the fear struck me again that he might leave and prayed that knowing my name would be enough to convince him to allow me more time to build my confidence with him. “Alright. A name’s a good start, I guess.” He confirmed in a lighter tone and I sighed heavily in relief. “I’m not letting you off the hook, though. I have plenty more questions. I’ve gotta know what a cupcake like you did to get arrested.” He added with a cheeky wink and I felt my heart skip a beat.

╳°»｡ ∾･⁙･ ღ ➵ ⁘ ➵ ღ ･⁙･∾ ｡«°╳

Months passed with my irregular visits from Murphy and although I’d barely spoken at all since revealing my name, he still seemed content to shower me with crazy stories and was even more enthusiastic now that I would give him a rare comment in response. Sometimes, I was sure that he ramped up their intensity in an effort to prompt me to speak and I had to chuckle at the effort that he was willing to invest. Already, I was glad that I hadn’t allowed him to leave, as the days that he joined me for lunch helped to make all the others that I spent alone bearable. 

Abby still came to talk when she could spare the time, but every time that she did, she seemed more exhausted and it was clear that the destruction of her family was slowly tearing her apart. There was little that I could do to assist her from behind bars and I found myself wishing that I was still in the clinic by her side, to support her through this experience.

Recently, the sketches of Cian had become ever more frequent as I re-examined all of my interactions with him, in an effort to understand how I’d landed myself in this situation. In my sketchpad were detailed drawings of his hands, his eyes, the one specific curl in his hair that never sat right, all between doodles of memories that we shared, cups of coffee to represent our late night chats, or piles of pens as he would always steal mine. I was careful to keep my art generic enough that if any of the pieces were taken, they wouldn’t lead back to him and even as I painstakingly planned this, I was unsure whether I was doing the right thing in protecting him.

My cell door suddenly swung open and I was met by a set of guards who silently took me from the room. I didn’t fight them, feeling too terrified to even control my body and instead simply hoped that my compliance would work in my favour. As we followed a route that I realised was familiar, I felt myself start to calm slightly and acknowledged that I was likely being taken to an interview. Though I didn’t relish the idea of sitting through another set of questions that I couldn’t answer, I hoped that my consistent refusal would eventually lead them to lose hope in ever cracking me. They turned to a different door than usual and when I stepped inside, it was a far smaller, darker interview room than I had previously seen.

“Prisoner 387, Ballard. As requested, sir.” One of the guards announced as they threw me inside and I could barely even make out a silhouette in the darkness.

“Thank you. You can leave us.” A strong male voice answered from the back of the room and I felt my heart hammering in my chest as the guards slammed the door closed, leaving me alone with the stranger. “Please. Take a seat, Miss Ballard.” They commanded and although their words were polite, their tone made it clear that this was not a request. I shuffled forward and settled into the chair without hesitation, keen to comply with what I could. 

“You’re very obedient for someone who is apparently causing my guards so much trouble.” They commented, before finally stepping into the light and causing my stomach to lurch in dread. The voice belonged to Marcus Kane, a council member who often oversaw guard operations and security. He had a well earned reputation of being harsh and intimidating, and as he studied me with his arms crossed, I gulped nervously. He remained perfectly still for a few moments, staring at me whilst allowing tension to build in the silence before he finally slid into a seat across the cold, metal table from me.

“Now, it is my understanding that you are still refusing to say anything about the circumstances of your arrest, or more specifically, to speak at all.” He began, keeping his voice unnervingly even and I chewed on my lip in an effort to prevent myself from speaking. “That is very disappointing. I would have hoped that your time here would have given you ample opportunity to realise how foolish your silence was. The Ark needs your cooperation, Miss Ballard, to keep our home safe and secure for everyone. Think of the good of all, not just yourself. It doesn’t benefit anyone for you to end up like your mother, not even you.” He presented, speaking as if he were offering me a lifeline and I flinched at even the mention of my mother. 

Reflectively, I clenched my jaw and despite my efforts to contain it, I knew that my disdain for her had reached my eyes. Kane sighed with disappointment, clearly having hoped that his supposedly well intentioned appeal would encourage me to trust him and I prepared myself for a long session of such sly tactics.

“What I don’t understand is why you would do this. By all accounts, you’re a well behaved young woman, hard working and dedicated. You had a bright future ahead of you in medical, which is especially impressive considering your upbringing. It’s unusual for a kid from the Agro sector 3-V to find themselves in such an established position, so why would you throw all of that away by taking part in smuggling drugs?” He questioned, changing his tactics to flattering and I had to continually remind myself that his admiration for my hard work was little more than a trick to earn my favour. 

Though I was tempted to spill everything and end this nightmare, I knew that doing so would cause all of my experiences thus far to be wasted and also lead to the suffering of numerous others on the Ark who depended on the medication that my team was providing. I expected Kane to become frustrated with my silence, but instead he remained determined.

“Look, we know it wasn’t your idea. It wouldn’t make sense for you to be the mastermind behind this; you have too much to lose and it would be impossible for you to complete such an operation on your own. I think you were forced into this and that whatever information the leaders have against you is making you too afraid to come forward. You don’t have to give us the names of the other accomplices if you’re scared of getting them in trouble. I know they’re probably stuck too, right? Just give us the name of the head and we can protect you. We can protect all of you, but only if you’re honest with us. Who is running the drug ring?” He pressed and I fidgeted in my seat, struggling to remain silent under his questioning. 

It seemed so simple: tell the truth and we’d all be safe. I could return to my life and care for my father. My heart ached at this idea and for a moment, I was genuinely tempted by the offer. Then I remembered that the cost would be to hand over Cian, who I knew they would never believe had good intentions, no matter what proof he provided them about the legitimacy of the organisation. Instead, he would be in my position, ripped away from his mother who depended on him for everything.

“Did you do it for your father?” Kane asked and I returned to viewing him with a sense of alarm. “I know that you trained in medicine to help him. Many of the people around you have said that you’d do anything for him. I wonder just how true that is.” He stated in an unspoken threat and I felt my hands begin to shake under the table. “Perhaps I’ve got it wrong. Why don’t you tell me?” He suggested and I shook my head at him slowly. 

“Cassidy, I’ve given you some generous offers here, but you’re not leaving me many kind options. You’ve got a sick father. You can’t afford to be in here. At this point, your only motivation would be protecting him, which would imply that he was complicit. That would be a dangerous road for us to investigate, considering that is above the age of imprisonment. Your father requires a great deal of resources. As far as I’m aware, he’s only just within our treatment limits. I’m sure that the council would consider floating him for his involvement easily, once they see how much medication we are providing to keep him alive.”

“No!” I gasped, my voice raw with horror as the word burst from my lips and I quickly put a hand over my mouth in regret. Kane placed his elbows on the table to study me with interest and my hands shook with terror as I threaded them through my hair. “My father was not involved in any way and he doesn’t know anything.” I asserted firmly, gulping down a heavy nausea and Kane remained poker faced over the table.

“Well, if you expect us to believe that then you’d better provide us with a name. Prove that your word is trustworthy.” He suggested and I balked at the wickedness of this ultimatum. 

It was difficult to think rationally through the panic, as the image of my frail father being marched to an airlock filled my mind and beside it were the faces of all the other interns that could potentially be imprisoned if I judged this wrong. It was gut wrenching as I stuttered for a response and managed to reassure myself that they couldn’t simply float a man based on a suspicion and high medical needs. I had to have faith that Abby would not allow such an abuse of power to occur and trusted my instinct that Kane was bluffing.

“I can’t.” I answered in a shaking voice and his face finally began to reveal his frustration.

“Cassidy, I assure you that this is your best option. You are going to regret the alternative.” He stated threateningly and I hardened my expression to conceal any hints of weakness.

“It’s the  **only** option.” I confirmed finally and Kane pressed a button on the desk to call the guards back into the room.

“Take Miss Ballard back to her cell. I’ll see her again when she is ready to explain herself.” He ordered, fixing me with a fierce glare before the guards grabbed my arms and aggressively dragged me from my seat. 

That night, I realised why I’d never been assigned a cellmate like the others, as they implemented tactics that they would never have risked another inmate revealing. The cell became terribly cold, with the air vents clunking loudly and the lights on the ceiling flashed constantly in an uneven pattern. All of these elements combined made it impossible to sleep and it felt as if my mind could crumble at any moment from the stress. 

Suddenly, I realised that they’d been attempting to break me since I arrived by isolating me in the hopes that I would obsess over my sentence and accept a deal. Instead, I became even more determined to maintain my silence and I curled my knees up to my chest, hiding in the corner of the room.

The hours dragged by in a torturous manner and it felt as if the night would never end, as my fingers and toes gradually went numb from the cold. For the first time, I was glad when our cells finally opened and we were led into the cafeteria. I rubbed my hands together for warmth as I walked, hoping that the shared space might feel warmer than usual compared to my freezing cell and settled at my bench to curl up tight. It was barely a few minutes before Murphy noisily arrived and dropped into position.

“Hey, Sunshine. I think there might be something wrong with my eyes.” He announced in a stressed tone and despite my exhaustion, I snapped my gaze up to him in concern. “Because I can’t take them off of you.” He added, thrilled that I’d fallen for his trap and I groaned in frustration. Though it was normal for him to be pleased with himself, he seemed in even higher spirits than usual and his energy was almost unbearable in my current state. He began enthusiastically chomping down the breakfast that I was unsure was even edible and I rubbed at my temples in an effort to appease the headache that was forming there.

“So. I’ve been busy since I saw you last. I put some feelers out about you, Cassidy Ballard.” He crooned, leaning in close so that he wouldn’t be overheard and I peered up at him with wide eyes, my mouth hanging open in shock. For a moment, I wondered if I’d misheard in my exhaustion but his proud smile confirmed that he did indeed just address me by my full name. 

“I couldn’t wait any longer for you to tell me what you did, so I thought I’d see if anyone recognised your name. I wasn’t really expecting anything. I thought you’d probably done something too minor for anyone to remember, but it turns out that you’re a drug smuggler!” He hissed with a tone that was almost proud and I remained frozen in my shock. “I never would have imagined that you were such a hardened criminal.” He teased, winking at me playfully and I slowly shook my head as I processed his words.

“I’m not.” I grumbled, fiddling with my hands on the table and avoiding his eyes awkwardly. I couldn’t help feeling as if he’d violated my privacy by going behind my back to find out and after what I’d endured over the past 24 hours, I was too vulnerable to manage this. Anxiety flipped in my stomach and I was overwhelmed with the suspicion that he was attempting to draw information from me. I clenched my jaw, refusing to say anything else on the matter and Murphy sighed in disappointment.

We sat in silence for a while, tension hanging in the air between us and I struggled to keep my eyes open. My head dipped several times and I knew that he had noticed as he raised a brow at me in interest. In an attempt to keep warm, I crossed my arms over my chest and Murphy clocked that I was shivering. He seemed to consider addressing this, but instead he shook his head and continued waiting. Without my sketch book, it was far more difficult to be in his company and I knew that he felt it too.

“I’ve been trying to imagine it, but I just can’t see you as a dealer. It doesn’t fit you at all.” Murphy finally broke the silence as he thinned his eyes at me and I shrugged avoidantly. “But you are the perfect kind of person to be manipulated into being a runner for someone. You’re quiet, obedient and non threatening. No one would ever suspect you. You basically have a target on your back.” He added thoughtfully and I bit my lip as I struggled to contain the wave of emotions that washed over me from his incredibly perceptive theory. 

“You try to hide it, but I’ve seen your art. There’s someone else involved. Someone you can’t stop thinking about. Did they sell you out, kitten?” He taunted, studying me closely for subtle hints in my behaviour. Unable to endure his suspicions after such a difficult night, I jumped to my feet and slammed the table in frustration.

“Leave me alone!” I hissed, leaning down towards him so that I wouldn’t be overheard and stomped out of the cafeteria before he could get another word out with tears in my eyes.


	6. 𝔽𝕠𝕠𝕝❜𝕤 𝔼𝕣𝕣𝕒𝕟𝕕

The next couple of days passed slowly, feeling like a never ending nightmare as my cell continued to prevent me from sleeping. Murphy had respected my outburst and remained at a distance, leaving me to spend my lunchtimes napping with my head on the table. I sat with my head in my hands, leaning my elbows on the table and rubbed my temples in a gesture of stress. A couple of familiar voices caught my attention and I glanced up to see a few fellow Agro residents milling into the room together, looking lost. A smile filled my face as I viewed them and they turned to notice me with a visible relief, immediately rushing over to join me.

“Cassidy! We hoped that we’d get to see you here.” Jasper cheered as he dropped into a seat with Monty close by his side. He seemed so pleased to have found someone friendly that he remained completely oblivious to the state that I was in, but Monty was already examining me with his brows deeply furrowed.

“You look terrible. Are you alright?” He queried, studying me nervously as if I were only deepening his fear of what to expect here and I nodded back to brush him off. “I was worried that you wouldn’t manage here. You’re too nice to be in lockup.” He revealed and I smiled back at him in appreciation.

“We would’ve visited, but we thought it might make you more homesick. Besides, we both know you shouldn’t be here. Honestly, we just didn’t think we could cope with seeing you in here, too upsetting.” Jasper explained, shifting awkwardly in his seat and avoiding my eyes.

“Looks like we’ll be seeing plenty of each other now, though.” Monty mumbled and I glanced at him with sympathy, easily remembering how daunting it felt to first be imprisoned here. “I forgot to replace the herbs from the garden. We’ve been doing it for so long that I guess I just got complacent.” He added regretfully and Jasper peeked at him with concern. 

“You’ll be okay.” I replied quietly, fixing them both with a comforting smile and wishing that I could find something more substantial to calm their nerves. Though I hated seeing them in here, I was glad that they had each other and knew that they’d be safe together.

“I’m glad we’ve got you, at least. Helps to see a familiar face in here.” Jasper divulged, smiling fondly at me and I fidgeted in my seat. Though we’d never been particularly close, the two boys had always been kind to me, trading herbs that I could use to help increase the time needed between medication for my father. Though I was quiet, they still seemed to be fond of me and I felt that it reflected well on their kind hearted nature.

“It’s good to see you too, but you probably don’t want to be seen with me. I don’t want them to accuse you of being involved.” I leaned forward to whisper, glancing between them with a sombre expression as I wished that I could cling to them, but my concern for their well being overruled any desires I had for myself.

“What? But they already imprisoned you? Surely that's the case closed.” Monty jumped in, his face overwhelmed with concern and I simply shrugged in response, chewing my lip in stress. “Cassidy, are you in trouble? Do you need help?” He interrogated, leaning forward to thoroughly investigate my expression for any signs of panic and I shook my head vigorously.

“Please, don’t do anything. I’m fine, I just don’t want to get you wrapped up in my mess. Keep your distance, for your own good.” I asserted, before removing myself from the table. Considering their crime and my unique knowledge of how long they’d been sneaking things from the garden, I worried that too much association with me would raise suspicions. It would be an easy task to implicate them and I couldn’t face being responsible for any further charges simply because I was lonely. Though it was difficult, I knew that I would have to push them away until they started avoiding me of their own accord.

That night, I packed my things and attended the communal bathroom for a hot shower, hoping to warm myself from my freezing cell. I’d already had my usual slot moved, but assumed it was due to overcrowding again, so I’d been looking forward to it all day. As I entered the shower area, I quickly realised that it was completely empty of other inmates and felt nervous in the eerie space. It took several minutes for me to convince myself that it was safe and carefully undressed. As soon as I stepped under the faucet, I was blasted with freezing cold water and darted out of its path with a squeal.

Shivering by the side of the showerhead, I kept only my hand in the stream of water as I waited for it to heat up, but it remained stubbornly cold and I realised in a devastating blow why I had been moved to this time. Alongside my cold cell, they were also depriving me of hot water and I spent a while just holding myself as tears cascaded down my cheeks.

☓ ღ ➵ ღ ☓

The cold of the bench felt agonising against my already chilled skin as I strained to keep my focus on the sketch in front of me and it was difficult to prevent the shivering of my hands from ruining the piece. Though I was determined, my spirit was waning after weeks without hot showers or any reasonable amount of sleep, and distraction was the only thing that could sustain me any longer. Murphy had kept his distance, much to my regret but I often noticed him studying me with concern when he thought I wasn’t looking. It helped to know that someone had noticed my suffering, even if I couldn’t rely on him and I began to long for his comical conversations. Monty and Jasper seemed to be settling in well, blending in with a group of low risk inmates and having finally realised that I was serious about their risk, they behaved as if they didn’t even know me. Loneliness haunted my days, but I remained resolute in my silence.

“Something’s going on with you. What is it?” I almost jumped out of my seat at the sudden voice and my gaze shot up to find Murphy examining me, leaning on the table between us with his brows deeply furrowed together in concern. I stared back at him blankly, shocked that he’d actually approached and I could recognise from his posture that he was aggravated. “Something has changed, I know it and I’m sick of pretending not to see it. Who’s fucking with you?” 

“No one.” I muttered quietly as I returned my attention to my sketching to avoid his intense eyes and tried to pretend that I couldn’t sense his frustrated presence. He scoffed loudly as he dropped onto the bench and I flinched instinctively, not having expected him to remain around me. On the page was a set of eyes that filled my dreams every night and I gradually added in the individual wisps of hair that formed a scruffy curl between them. Murphy sighed in a manner that demonstrated his disapproval and out of my peripheral vision I could see him running a hand through his hair as he considered how to articulate his thoughts.

“Whoever it is that you’re covering for, it’s not worth it. People on the Ark only care about you for as long as you’re useful to them and I hate to break it to you, Sunshine, but you already got caught. You’re not useful to anyone in here.” He drawled in an infuriating tone and although I could tell that he was trying to be helpful, his words caused my blood to boil. “Tell me this, these people that you got mixed up with, any of them ever come and visit you? What about the one you’re always sketching?” He asked, leaning towards me and I glanced up at him with tears filling my eyes. His expression revealed a hint of sympathy that broke through his cold facade and I found myself wondering what he’d lived through to have such a jaded view of the world. “Exactly. Don’t be a sucker. These contacts of yours have left you high and dry. Only person you can trust in life is yourself.” He remarked bitterly as he glanced down at the sketch, before shaking his head and marching away in a frustrated stomp. 

His words bounced around in my mind all night, only further fuelling my anxieties over the circumstances of my arrest. I recalled all of the conversations that I’d had with Cian about the project, all of the times that he’d told me not to mention it to anyone as it would be easier to present to the council once he was able to demonstrate that it could work and my stomach churned. I couldn’t be sure whether my memories were simply beginning to become unreliable as time passed and I began to forget details, or whether I had truly been so blinded by infatuation that I’d failed to ask about the legality of this project. The fear flooded me that perhaps this was my fault, that I hadn’t listened properly to the processes and my own distractions had sabotaged something that could have helped countless people. However, even as the thought occurred to me, I couldn’t deny the feeling in my gut that there was some darker intention behind the plans that I had been too foolish to notice.

After another painfully cold, sleepless night I dragged myself into the canteen and even from a distance I could see something unfamiliar on my table. I approached cautiously, afraid that I might find some kind of threat from the guards but as I neared, I found a green jacket bundled up with a tiny piece of paper sticking out of the pocket. I pulled it out to find a simple sketch of a sunshine on one side and I turned it over to find a crudely written note. 

‘𝘚𝘵𝘰𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦. 𝘋𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘢 𝘴𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘦𝘳.’

I felt a lump rise in my throat as I read the note and could hardly contain my appreciation as I slid the large jacket over me. For the first time in weeks, I felt hopeful that I might manage to get some sleep tonight.

☓ ღ ➵ ღ ☓

My hopes were short lived, as I woke in my cell to hear the other doors opening whilst mine remained firmly locked. The sleep I’d had was hardly restful through the noise of the fans and flashing lights, but thanks to the added protection of the jacket I’d been able to get some cat naps throughout the night. 

After a while of waiting, I surmised that the guards had no intention of allowing me to join the others for breakfast and instead busied myself with sketching. It didn’t provide the same comfort as my usual canteen conversations with Murphy, but I had to settle for what I could depend on for the time being.

For the first time since my imprisonment, I allowed my thoughts to drift to my father, imagining him alone in the drafty space of our quarters in Agro station and wondered if anyone other than Abby was visiting to provide him with company whilst I was away. In the beginning, I had hoped that due to our similar family circumstances I would be able to rely on Cian to visit him, but I had recently become doubtful of this. 

I remembered that my father had never been very fond of him, ensuring that every time I mentioned him, he reminded me that he was far too old for me. The opportunity had never arisen for me to find out why he was so against me spending time with Cian, especially when he seemed to be such a selfless, caring person. The memory of the night that he confided in me about his mother's condition replayed in my mind, how it left her incapable of doing anything for herself and how since the loss of his father caring for her had been a burden that he’d carried alone. If nothing else, I hoped that she was well.

Days passed in my new agonising routine of only receiving meals once daily and my stomach ached from the emptiness. My face was rapidly becoming gaunt from the starvation and I felt my sanity crumbling away from the endless hours that I spent trapped in my cell. I’d begun to obsess over the past, replaying every minute detail for clues and the isolation felt crushing, 

Even when I was provided with food, it was delivered in my cell and I desperately craved the open space of the canteen. The longer that I went without speaking, the more aggressive the guards behaviour became and I could tell that they were furious at their failure to break me. For the time being, the interviews had stopped and I knew that Kane was waiting for a sign of weakness before he called me in again.

The clunk of cell doors opening for lunch echoed through the halls and I jumped back dramatically as mine swung open. For a moment, I was unsure if it had been unlocked by mistake and remained curled up in the corner of the room, as if expecting this to be a trap. After a few minutes, I could no longer resist and rushed out of the tiny space to join the others. Excitement pulsed through me as I waited in the queue for food and I could hardly believe that I was out of the confined space of my room at last. When I reached the front I was handed a tiny portion and despite the sizing, I was too thrilled that I was being fed for the second time today to question it.

“Seriously, that’s it? What are we on, quarter rations?”

I heard Murphy’s gruff voice and startled as I hadn’t even noticed him arrive beside me. He fixed the server with an unimpressed scowl, as he glimpsed between them and the tray that I was clutching, and I shuffled away before I could be pulled into a disagreement. The moment that my butt brushed the bench, I began hurriedly scoffing down the food desperately and it wasn’t long before Murphy appeared in his usual spot opposite me.

“It’s not your gang causing you trouble. It’s the guards. They’re starving you, aren’t they?” He asked accusingly and I avoided meeting his eyes as I continued to eat like a ravenous animal. “You look skinny. This has been going on for a while, hasn’t it?” He interrogated and having already finished the ridiculously small meal, I glanced up at him guiltily. 

Without another word, he rose from the table and rushed away as if on a mission, leaving me in a state of confusion. I fidgeted my hands and stared around the room awkwardly, soaking up the freedom of the wide space whilst I could. In the silence that surrounded me, I couldn’t help wondering what Murphy could possibly be up to. 

The break seemed to pass in no time and before long we began being filtered back toward our cell blocks. My mind wondered as I shuffled along the halls that led to my room, when someone bumped into my side heavily and I turned to find Murphy beside me. Before I could open my mouth to question him, he forced some small packets into my hands and I glanced down to find snack rations that would only usually be handed out when meal stocks were low. I whipped my gaze up to his face with wide eyes and he smiled smugly.

“What can I say? I got a problem with authority and I’m sick of seeing these assholes kicking people when they’re already down.” He drawled in an effort to downplay his kindness and I crooked a brow at him to indicate that I wasn’t fooled. “Don’t read too much into it. Just my way of fighting the system.” He added with a forced tone of disinterest and I smiled thankfully at him.

“Just be careful about getting seen with me. Smuggling is what got me in here.” I whispered, my words a strange mixture of humour and concern, and he seemed delighted to hear my voice after such a long period of absence. 

“Pfft. I’m not scared. They already ruined my life. Might as well make their jobs difficult wherever I can.” He chuckled with confidence and I found myself viewing him with fondness.

The next week was made infinitely easier by the supplies that Murphy gifted me and I tried to stretch them out for as long as possible. I knew better than to ask where he was sourcing them and instead simply accepted that I needed them to survive. A day before I was about to run out, he caught me in the hall to resupply me and despite my warnings to be careful around me, he continued to brush me off.

Barely an hour later, my cell door swung open to reveal a horde of guards who tore through the room in search of something and I was slammed against the wall in a painful hold. They seized all of the sketches that I still had available, all letters from my father and continued ransacking the cell until they found the rations from Murphy. Once they did, they held them up in victory and I was pulled back to view Marcus Kane, who stood before me with a disappointed expression.

“Miss Ballard, I thought you were brighter than this. Smuggling within the prison only further implies your guilt. Several of my men saw you make the trade. I’m afraid we’ll have to perform a full search procedure.” He explained, before nodding to the guards who each took one of my arms and hauled me from the room. My heart was hammering in my chest as they forcibly dragged me along the halls and I was terrified of what they had in store for me. They threw me into a room where only female guards and unfamiliar medical staff awaited me, and as the door slammed behind me, my stomach lurched in dread.

I was forced through rigorous testing that I quickly recognised to be checking for any signs that I might be carrying drugs within my body, as they caused me to gag repeatedly and performed various other painful examinations. It was a gruelling process that emptied out any of the additional food that I’d managed to consume in the past few days and tears flowed freely down my cheeks the entire time. 

Just as I thought that things couldn’t get any worse, I was forced to strip off all clothing in a completely humiliating manner and marched into a sterile room where they scrubbed me viciously under a scolding shower. All thoughts of cold faded from my mind as the water burned at my skin and I could only calculate that they had included this step as an attack on my dignity. My silent tears increased to loud sobs as my strength crumbled to nothing and I felt as if I would do anything to stop it. 

Once finished, I was cuffed and transported to the dark interview room where Kane awaited me with an unreadable expression. My entire body shook as I was pushed into the seat and I stared down at my hands with stinging eyes.

“I told you that you wouldn’t like the alternative, Miss Ballard. Just tell us who the leaders of the ring are and this can all be over.” He offered and I felt tears filling my eyes as I considered it. I still had nine months remaining until my eighteenth birthday and there were no guarantees that I would be released when the time came. It was unbearable to even imagine spending this time living as I had been and I felt as if I could burst any moment.

“I looked at your file again before we came to collect you. I wonder if your father even told you the whole picture of your background. Your mother was a sex worker, well known by men on the Ark. She managed to operate right under our noses for years and I can only imagine that your father told you she worked so much to provide for your family. Unfortunately, I can tell you that it wasn’t either of you that she was trading her income for. She was a heavy drug user, mostly prescription painkillers, things that you well know are already in short supply. Ironically, many of the medications that your father uses. Eventually, she grew confident enough in her tactics that we managed to trap her, but I can’t bring myself to believe that you would ever allow yourself to get involved in all of this if you’d known. Your father must be so disappointed, having his daughter follow so closely in her mother's footsteps.” 

I felt a wave of nausea wash over me at this revelation, feeling many of the strange and unpleasant parts of my childhood fall into place into a horrifying picture and I felt a single tear escape my demeanour, before I was overwhelmed with rage. It took all of my self control to contain the viscous anger that thrashed inside of me as I absorbed his self righteous, privileged attitude and reminded myself that my silence alone demonstrated how different I was to my aggressive, selfish mother.

“Are you quite finished?” I muttered, fixing him with a stare that easily demonstrated my anger and a sly smile spread across his lips.

“No, Miss Ballard. We still have many questions to answer.”

☓ ღ ➵ ღ ☓

My entire body trembled, no longer from the cold but rather an overwhelming sense of anxiety and exhaustion. I stared into space with a wide eyed gaze and held myself in an effort to prove some much needed comfort. Though I’d managed to stay strong under Kane’s questioning, the experiences of the previous day had been deeply traumatising and I hadn’t been able to relax at all since. As Murphy settled into a seat opposite me, I released a quiet squeal in shock and he viewed me with evident concern.

“Shit, Cassie. What the hell happened to you?” He breathed, his expression one of pure disbelief as he examined me and I could feel my heartbeat pounding in my ears as I waited for it to calm again. 

“Guards thought I was smuggling in here.” I whispered, feeling entirely too exhausted to contain my words any longer as they escaped in a trembling voice and he hissed under his breath.

“They saw you with me?” He asked and I nodded slowly back in confirmation. “Fuckers!” He growled, making me flinch at the aggression in his tone and I could recognise regret buried in his face. Though he would never admit it, I could tell that he was frustrated that his actions had led to this and despite my own feeling of betrayal, I hoped that he wouldn’t blame himself too severely. “Whoever it is that you’re trying to protect, it can’t be worth  _ this _ .” He added, gesturing towards me and I sighed thoughtfully. “I hate the idea of bowing to the system as much as the next hellraiser, but if you didn’t do anything wrong, you should just give the guards whatever it is they want. Don’t be a scapegoat, Sunshine. It's no way to live.” He urged, his voice filled with desperation that felt genuine and it was hard to decide whether I could even continue suspecting him when I had such doubts about the other interns.

“I don’t know that I didn’t do anything wrong.” I admitted quietly and he shook his head at me as if it were blatantly obvious to him that hadn’t.

“Look, it makes no difference to me what you do, but you’re being an idiot. The guards abuse their power on people like us everyday and you’re sitting in here, giving them a reason to. Whoever you’re covering for, turn them in and make sure you get a damn good deal for it.” He advised, dropping his voice to a low growl and I couldn’t bring myself to meet the intensity of his eyes. “Fuck the guards.” He hissed under his breath, before storming away.

Later that day I was taken to a visitation room where Abby waited and I noticed immediately that she looked almost as awful as I did. The guilt of my absence crushed down on me, reminding me with a painful clarity that I could have cared for her if I’d been free and my mind wondered again to my father, imagining how he was coping without me. I dropped into the seat opposite her with exhaustion and my body trembled at even the idea of enduring another set of questions. Her tired gaze slowly explored my features and I could tell that she didn’t have the energy for another interrogation either.

“You look terrible.” She commented with a weak smile and I silently gestured toward her with a brow quirked. “I know, people in glass houses. Believe me, I know how hypocritical that was. I just hate seeing you look so unwell. Are you on hunger strike now?” She queried, examining me fearfully and as I shook my head slowly in response, understanding dawned on her face. “You’re not choosing to do this. Oh, Cassidy. I wish you would let me help you. It’s too much to bear having both of my girls in here.” Her voice cracked as she spoke and I reached out to take her hand across the table.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered, genuinely wishing that I could simply tell her everything, not only for her to comfort me, but so that she could help me to rid my doubts by confirming how foolish I was to even entertain the idea that Cian and the others would purposely set me up, or even allow me to take the fall for them. Perhaps if I asked the right questions, she would tell me how hard they were all working to rescue me.

“The clinic is running as normal, even without my usual energy. Jackson has been a blessing.” She remarked, opening idle conversation in the hope to fill the tense silence between us and I felt my heart sink. In all the times that she’d talked to me about the clinic, she’d never mentioned anything out of the ordinary and I struggled to contain my thoughts as they bounced around in my mind. Though I’d been careful not to ask anything that might lead to an investigation of the other interns, I couldn’t resist the need for reassurance for a moment longer.

“How are the other interns?” I asked quietly, fidgeting with my hands as I avoided her eyes and I felt her straighten up in surprise. My heartbeat pounded as my anxiety convinced me that I had just made a catastrophic mistake and my breath grew shallow as I awaited her response.

“They’re coping remarkably well, all things considered. They’re obviously quite overworked without you, as we all are. You’re my most useful assistant.” She answered, a fond smile filling her face as she viewed me and now that I had seen that nothing disastrous had happened as a result of my asking questions, I cleared my throat to direct her toward a more specific concern of mine.

“And Cian? He must be so exhausted with the extra work on top of caring for his mother.” I remarked, allowing my genuine worries to reveal themselves whilst also steering the conversation toward the person for whom I carried the most doubt.

“Cian’s fine. He’s thriving as usual.” She described and I felt my stomach drop. It seemed as if the others were terribly unphased by my imprisonment and I started to realise that it was entirely possible that I was protecting people who had engineered my demise. “And I’m not sure what you mean about his mother? She’s an incredibly capable woman who is quite accomplished at causing trouble. I can’t imagine her needing care from Cian, or his father. Honestly, his parents are a thorn in Sinclair’s side most of the time. It’s fortunate for them that they’re such talented engineers.” She explained casually and as she spoke, I felt my heart shattering into a million pieces.

When we’d discussed Cian’s mother late that night in the clinic, he told me that she was permanently bedridden and too frail to do anything for herself, causing me to feel fortunate that my father at least still had his mobility. He explained that his father died when he was young, leaving him with the full responsibility of caring for her and we bonded over how similar our circumstances were. Now I realised that this was no accident, but a result of careful research. Murphy was right. I’d been targeted.

“Are you alright, Cassidy? You look pale.” Abby enquired, studying me with her brows furrowed in concern and I forced a smile as I shook her off.


	7. 𝔻𝕦𝕟𝕜𝕚𝕣𝕜

**Eᴘɪsᴏᴅᴇ:** Pɪʟᴏᴛ

Over the next few weeks, I felt myself rapidly spiralling as my past experiences took on new meaning and I began to understand that I had been blind to more warning signs than I could ever imagine. Cian had easily fooled me with his charming comments and pretend sob story, and I felt furious at myself for being such an easy target. Anger grew within me and I struggled to decide whether any of the stories that I’d been told were true. It was still impossible to know whether the delivery service had actually been for those in need, or if it truly was simply a drug ring as Kane had called it.

Only adding to my stress was a change to my routine that threatened to push me over the edge. Everyday we were taken to a classroom, where a teacher presented us with Earth skills and as we were split into small groups, I didn’t get a chance to see Murphy. There was no explanation for why this had been suddenly introduced into our prison lifestyle, but I was glad of the reprieve from the tactics of the guards and Monty’s subtle smile calmed my nerves each session, even if he did continue to behave as if he didn’t know me.

Sitting at my usual bench in the canteen, my mind raced as I strained to make sense of it all and my sketching hand worked furiously whilst I flicked through my memories. I wasn’t even sure what I was drawing, as the thoughts bounced around in my head and I felt lost amongst the chaos. Raised voices caught my attention and I glanced up to find Murphy and a few others intimidating a small inmate. 

I sighed in disappointment, but it wasn’t the first time that I’d seen him causing trouble within lockup. As a matter of fact, it seemed to be his favourite pastime and though I didn't approve of the behaviour, I’d come to simply accept that it was a part of him. I knew that it wasn’t something that I had the power to change anyway and acknowledged that there were likely things that he disliked about me too, namely how little I spoke. I’d always had a thing for the troubled, charming type, but Murphy was trouble with a capital T. 

As the smaller kid scarpered off, Murphy seemed to notice me staring and sauntered over with a smug smile on his lips. Fortunately, his backup broke off to bother someone else and I was relieved that we had privacy so that I could speak honestly. 

“You know, if I didn’t know better I’d think you were totally checking me out, Sunshine.” He remarked as he slid into a seat opposite me and I held eye contact with him firmly, determined not to be distracted by his flattery.

“Why do you act like that?” I asked directly, surprising even myself with the determination in my voice and he raised his brows, clearly taken aback by my question. It hadn’t been my intention to challenge him, but after discovering that Cian was a liar, I found it much harder to ignore red flags in Murphy.

“Like what? Like I’m into you?” He suggested, winking at me playfully and I sighed to demonstrate my disapproval at his tactics. I knew that he was being avoidant and it was clear that he didn’t appreciate me confronting him for his actions, but now that I’d started being honest, I couldn’t stop myself.

“Like an ass.” I blurted as I glanced back in the direction of the kid that he’d been bullying and his eyes widened at my comment. Once I returned my gaze to him, I started to feel uncomfortable with how aggressive my words had come across and I cleared my throat before speaking again. “Why can’t you just be how you are with me?” I offered in a gentler manner and he scoffed in disbelief.

“Well, not everyone is as resistant to my charms as you are, Cassie. If I was like this with everyone, I’d be batting the girls off and then I wouldn’t have time to hang out with you. Wouldn’t that be a shame?” He drawled with a sly smile and I rolled my eyes at him in annoyance. “Besides, maybe that’s who I really am. I’m an ass.” He added, leaning back in his seat with his arms crossed in a closed off posture and I tilted my head at him.

“No, you’re not.” I argued quietly and despite my confusion over the trustworthiness of everyone around me, I was surprised by the confidence that I felt in this statement. 

As if in distinct offence to my assertion, he reached out one of his hands to knock my sketchbook to the ground flippantly and raised a brow at me. A few seconds of silence passed where neither of us moved a muscle, instead simply staring at each other intensely and I could tell that he was silently asking with his expression whether my opinion had changed now. Eventually, a slight smile broke into my face and he quickly smiled in return, a cheeky glimmer in his eyes. I leaned down to grab the book and he rushed to reach it at the same time, bringing his face alarmingly close to mine.

“Oops. Sorry about that.” He muttered sarcastically as he inched slightly closer to my lips and I shot back to my seat, clutching the sketchbook to my chest. 

“Stop it, Trouble.” I hissed, a chuckle escaping me as I spoke and I noticed that he seemed thoroughly proud of his efforts, despite his failure to reach my lips.

“You’re very vocal today.” He remarked with a hint of excitement in his voice and I shrugged back casually. Since the first time that he’d approached, there was something about him that I couldn’t place that made me want to get to know him and as my patience with the mess that I was in waited, I was unable to resist the desire to speak to him any longer. Though I was nowhere near ready to admit that and wracked my brain for another explanation that I could offer him.

“Yeah, well. I’m working on being more vocal nowadays.” I revealed, dropping my voice to a volume that only he could hear and he seemed thoroughly enthralled by this information. He leaned forward, placing his elbows on the table and surveyed me as if I were the most fascinating thing that he’d ever witnessed, causing me to blush heavily. 

“Really?” He breathed in a dramatic fashion and I chuckled under my breath at his theatrics. “And is there something that you’re getting ready to say?” He interrogated, fixing me with a knowing look and I easily understood what he was implying. It seemed somewhat bizarre that he was so keen to encourage me to sell out my colleagues without even knowing the details, but I trusted his blind insight better than I could my own judgement and it gave me the final push that I needed to make the decision.

“Tomorrow.” I whispered conspiratorially, leaning closer to him and his eyes widened in disbelief.

“Tomorrow.” He repeated, as if to ensure that were definitely discussing the same thing and I nodded back fervently. “Well, that’s the big day, then. Just remember what I told you, drive a hard bargain. These guards will run you into the ground if you let them, but if you have something that they want, then you have power. Squeeze as much as you can out of them.” He advised, a devious look in his eyes at even the thought of extorting our jailers and I sniggered at his enthusiasm. “It’ll be dull in here without you, cupcake. I’ll have to make sure to visit when I get out. What station can I find you on?” He enquired and I found myself smiling warmly at this idea.

“Agro, sector 3-V.” I answered coyly and he tilted his head at me.

“Never guessed you for a farm girl. Guess that explains the hair though.” He teased and I shook my head at him. “Well, at least now I know you’re not from one of those fancy sectors. We’re both in the slums.” He announced and as I opened my mouth to ask where he was from, the bell rang to declare the end of our free time. “Well, I guess this is it. Stick it to them good tomorrow.” He advised as he got to his feet and just as he turned his back on me, he paused to glance over his shoulder. “Try not to miss me too much.” He winked and I felt a pang of regret as he strode away. 

Snatching up my sketchbook to leave the canteen, I was met with a drawing that seemed to be stuck in my muscle memory of a pair of familiar eyes with a single curl between them and my stomach lurched. Without a moment of hesitation, I pulled the sheet from the book and tore it in half, scrunching it into a ball that I threw into the nearest bin. Enough was enough. It was time to face the music. 

☓ ღ ➵ ღ ☓

In an effort to prepare myself to finally tell my story, I spent the evening disposing of every piece of art that related to Cian. It felt cleansing to destroy them, as if removing them from my sight was clearing away the feelings themselves and I finally began to accept that protecting them was not my burden to carry. Excitement bubbled in my stomach at the idea of seeing my father again and I smiled at the thought that by this time tomorrow, I could be home with him. 

Though I was nervous at the idea of negotiating with Kane, I knew that telling the truth would be a weight off my shoulders and could already feel some of the pressure lifting from simply making the decision. For the first time in weeks, I made the effort to tame my hair and attempted to neaten up my well worn clothes. I felt as if I were preparing to stand trial and I supposed that in some respects I was. It was impossible to know how I would fare in the court of public opinion for turning Cian in, especially knowing that he was above the age of imprisonment now, but I knew that however people treated me afterwards couldn’t be any worse than the gruelling punishments that I’d already endured so far. The night seemed to drag by and I couldn’t sleep, though for once it wasn’t due to the tactics of the guards. 

The sound of doors unlocking one after another and raised voices echoed from the halls, and I crept closer to press my ear to the door. There was a clear panic in the air outside and what seemed to be a large guard presence, even for lockup. I felt anxiety rising in my chest as I wondered what could possibly cause such a reaction and could hear the commotion growing closer. I took a few steps back from the door just seconds before it swung open and two guards entered my cell.

“Prisoner 387. Face the wall.” One of them ordered in a bored tone and though my heart hammered in a manner that was almost defeating, I immediately complied. I slowly raised my hands up in cooperation and turned toward the wall with a lump in my throat. “Hold out your right arm.” They instructed and I glanced over my shoulder to find them unlocking a box with a selection of bright silver wristbands inside. Though I couldn’t help peeking up at them in confusion, the crackle of a baton quickly frightened me back into place and I held out my arm silently. 

The device clicked into place loudly and as it did, something pierced my skin, causing me to yelp in panic. The guards seemed thoroughly pleased with the opportunity to injure me and I kept my mouth tightly clamped closed in an effort not to further antagonise them. Without a word of explanation, they grabbed my arm and led me out into the hall, where I could see that every cell door was open. My initial theory that I was being summoned for a well timed interview crumbled into irrelevance and I darted my gaze around the numerous prisoners that were being beaten into submission. I glanced back at the guard who had taken me from my cell questioningly, but he simply forcefully pushed me forward. My mind raced as I tried to think of a way to earn the chance for a confession, but I knew that asking the wrong guard could easily result in a lashing that I didn’t want. 

I’d never seen as many guards as flooded the prison station now and though I noticed a few people on other floors attempting to escape, I couldn’t see the point in making any drastic moves. Even without the heavily increased force, there was nowhere to run to and instead I followed the prisoners ahead of me, feeling horribly trapped by the number of uniforms surrounding us. I couldn’t see Murphy anywhere, nor Jasper and Monty, and a sense of dread began to wash over me. I couldn’t conceive of any positive reason that they would empty the entirety of lockup and I felt nauseous as I marched along in petrified silence. 

Once we exited the main cell structure of the prison station and navigated through narrow hallways, the guards began to thin out somewhat. We were herded into a single file line and I noticed that I was the last amongst the remarkably calm prisoners who seemed to have succumbed to whatever fate awaited them. My legs trembled as I walked, fearful that my opportunity to bargain may already have passed and I cursed myself for taking so long to make a decision. As we turned a corner into a long hallway with a ladder at the end, I noticed Abby standing at the side of the line of delinquents, scanning their faces as if searching for someone and the moment that her eyes landed on me, her face crumbled with relief. She rushed over to pull me into a tight embrace and I clung to her as if she were my only steadying point. When she stepped back, she kept her hands on my shoulders, as if preventing anyone from moving me as the others ahead of me continued on their voyage and I held onto her in return. I could tell from the red of her eyes that she’d been crying and this only struck a further terror into me.

“Abby, I need to speak to Kane. It’s urgent.” I hissed, rushing my words out with a sense that I didn’t have much time and she tilted her head with obvious confusion. “I’ll tell him everything, but I want a deal. I need to get out of here. You’re right, I don’t deserve to be here. Please, help me.” I blurted, my hands shaking on her and her eyes filled with tears as she viewed me with sympathy.

“Cassidy, I’m sorry but it’s too late for that. Kane isn’t going to be making deals right now. I’m afraid he’s got larger concerns than drug deals. He won’t be interested in your case any more.” She explained in a hushed voice and I felt my breath hitch in my throat as I stared at her with wide eyes. “You waited too long, sweetheart. I wish you’d just told me earlier.” She added as a single tear escaped her composure and slid down her cheek.

“But...they tortured me! They were desperate for this information. How can they just not care anymore?” I interrogated, desperate for a way to return home and she sighed deeply, leading me slightly to the side to speak in a hushed voice. 

“There are problems on the Ark, bigger than you can even imagine. What they’re doing with you all today is your best chance.” She whispered critically and I furrowed my brows at her in confusion. “They’re sending you to Earth. They think it might be survivable now and they need people to find out. That’s what the wristbands are for. We’ll be watching you through them.” She explained and my mouth dropped open in shock.

“Earth?! But...I can’t go to Earth. My old man needs me.” I argued, hardly able to get the words out as I stared down at the wristband and felt as if my head might explode from the enormity of this information.

“I promise you, I will do everything in my power to keep your father safe, but I cannot get you out of this. It’s a direct order from the Chancellor. I’m powerless against it. They’re even sending Clarke.” She trailed off, almost breaking into tears as she spoke and I shook my head in frustration.

“What?! But she’s eighteen in a month! She’s so close to review.” I gasped and she nodded back solemnly. “This is monstrous. I can’t go. I just want to go home. I’m innocent.” I added in a small voice, feeling my eyes fill with tears as I bit my lip to contain them and she pulled me into a comforting hug. Footsteps announced the arrival of the next floor of prisoners as they began to filter into the space and I shook with terror. “I’ll look out for Clarke as much as I can. Just please...tell my Papi that I love him and...that I’m sorry. I should’ve chosen him.” I whispered, my voice trembling from the intense sorrow that I felt and as I leaned away from her, I noticed that fresh tears were flooding down her cheeks. 

“Thank you. I will take care of him. You have my word.” She confirmed and as I opened my mouth to speak again, I was forcibly pulled away from her. I glanced up at my captor to find a young guard who seemed full of enthusiasm for the task before him, staring intensely at the ladder as he marched me forward. An intense feeling of panic washed over me as I glanced back at Abby and I knew that this was my final chance to do the right thing. 

“It was Cian!” I called back and watched all of the colour drain from Abby’s face as she registered my words. “I’m sorry! I should have told you. All the interns know. I thought I was helping people!” I cried manically, dragging my feet to try to slow down the movement but he was too strong. As we came to a stop at the ladder, he indicated for me to climb and I stared back at him in desperation. “I can’t go. My old man needs me. Please!” I begged and he leaned closer to me with a sadistic smile, as the tell-tale sound of the shock baton crackled at his side. 

“Just give me a reason.” He threatened under his breath, glowering at me with a sick enjoyment and I gulped with terror. He twitched as if about to strike and I whimpered in defeat. Tears freely ran down my cheeks and I finally turned to step down onto the ladder with a feeling of pure dread. I could barely grip the bars from the clamminess of my hands and it took some substantial strain to drag my skinny figure up into the small structure above.

Behind me, more inmates were being forced to follow and as I emerged into a claustrophobic round chamber, I found several guards dragging those of us who were already inside into a variety of seats, or positions against the walls. The others were strapping themselves into harnesses with apprehensive expressions, but none of them asked any questions and in no time, the guard who had intimidated me up the ladder climbed into the room. He took my arm to lead me further into the space, past all of the nervous faces and positioned me at a harness without a seat. Without another word, he left me in the chaotic situation and I felt my hands trembling as I began to fasten up the bucked for what I knew would be a dramatic experience.

“Well, fancy seeing a babe like you here.” A familiar voice drawled and I whipped my attention upwards to find Murphy settling into place opposite me with a wry smile. The moment that I laid eyes on him, I felt some of my stress melt away and I was remarkably glad to find that he was in as much danger as I was. 

“Murphy!” I breathed in relief and his wonky smile grew into a wide grin at the sound of my voice, causing butterflies in my stomach. 

“So much for your big day. Decided not to turn them in after all?” He asked, sliding his arms through the harness whilst keeping his eyes trained on me and I felt my expression drop slightly as the reality of our situation hit me again.

“I tried. It was too late.” I grumbled quietly, feeling tears forming in my eyes again and I sniffed in an effort to contain them.

“Bummer.” He commented in a flat tone and I peeked up at him in surprise at how unsympathetic he sounded. Though he’d always been quite open about his lack of attachment, it was still strange to hear him reply to this grave situation in such a blasé manner. “Well, nobody likes a snitch. Looks like you’re stuck with me.” He added, winking at me playfully and despite knowing that I should be frustrated at how he was brushing things off, I was actually glad of his light-heartedness to break the tension that hung in the air. 

As the last of the prisoners filled seats and strapped themselves into place, the doors sealed closed loudly behind the guards and I gulped down my terror. People finally began staring at each other in confusion and as the silence gradually became too suffocating to endure, pockets of murmured conversation spread around the room. 

Without warning, the powerful sounds of the ship releasing itself from the Ark overwhelmed everything else and my stomach churned as we felt the thrusters engage, carrying us away from our home. Murphy cheered at this development, earning a few nervous chuckles in response and after a few moments, we were all shaken in our harnesses, causing panicked shouts. 

The lights flickered and there was an explosive sound that caused my heart to skip a beat as I clung to the flimsy straps that were the only thing keeping me from immediate death. Before anyone could calm the surrounding kids, a sharp ring of audio feedback deafened us all and multiple screens that I hadn’t noticed until now lit up with the face of our Chancellor. I rolled my eyes, already anticipating a speech that would only serve to irritate me. 

“Prisoners of the Ark, hear me now.” He announced and I turned away from the screen to find Murphy watching it with an expression of pure rage. “You’ve been given a second chance, and as your Chancellor, it is my hope that you see this as not just a chance for you, but a chance for all of us.” He announced diplomatically to a series of boos and Murphy cursed under his breath.

Whilst the Chancellor continued to address us as if we were his blessed delegates, I tuned out his dull voice and found that my anxiety was whirring manically in my mind. Glancing around the ship, I realised that I couldn’t see Jasper or Monty anywhere, nor Clarke, despite her mother's insistence that she would be included in this death sentence. I hoped that they were all managing this insane discovery better than I was, as I pictured my father’s reaction once he found out that I was never coming home. 

Holding up the wristband to examine it, I remembered Abby’s words that they would be able to monitor us and was glad that she would be able to relay to my father that I was at least alive. Only one question remained, how would I know that he was alright? I could hardly stand the idea that I would no longer receive his letters and promised myself that I would do everything I could to survive this: if not for myself, then for him. For now though, there were many obstacles yet to face before I could worry about long term survival.

Several people were now floating around in the chamber, much to the encouragement of the surrounding teenagers and Murphy smirked as he fiddled with his own buckles. I caught his eyes and shook my head vigorously, desperate to keep him from this unnecessary risk. Though he was visibly pleased by my concern, he continued to attempt to free himself and barely a second before the clasp was about to come loose, the parachutes deployed.

The impact sent those who were out of their seats flying across the ship, causing substantial damage to the vessel and steam poured out from some pipes that were smashed. There was another lurch and bright sparks exploded over many of the prisoners as the G force pinned us all in place. I stared at Murphy in wide eyed horror and before I could stop myself, a small scream escaped my lips.

“Cassidy, it’s fine!” He called over as he frantically forced his harness back into a secure position and I clung to the straps around me for any slight sense of reassurance. Gasping breaths wracked my chest as I battled to keep control of my terror and suddenly a full shower of sparks poured out from the centre of the chamber. Manic screaming burst out of my mouth as the lights began flickering on and off, and I was thrown around like a ragdoll as the dropship spun mercilessly.

“Stop, it’s okay!” Murphy yelled, but his voice was drowned out by the overpowering clanking sounds and cries of the others. The space filled with smoke that seeped straight into my lungs and I practically howled with panic. “Cassie!” He bellowed, finally catching my attention as the smoke that had been blocking him from view moved past us and he wasted no time in halting my hysteria. “Stop screaming!” He demanded and though his tone sounded frustrated, I could recognise clear worry in his eyes. “Enjoy the ride, Sugar!” He added with a mischievous smile, before bursting out with whooping as if he were having the time of his life, rather than falling to his death and I had to scoff at his ridiculousness.

We were bounced up and down constantly, and it was quickly becoming difficult to even tell which way up we were any longer through the chaos. The chamber was lit only by the spray of electrical components blowing up around us and though others descended into mania, the sounds of Murphy’s enthusiastic yells gave me the strength to remain calm.

With one final deafening crash, the movement ceased and we were plunged into darkness, left only with the sound of the engines powering down. People gassed with relief and several of the inmates called out to each other in the moments before the lights finally flickered back into life with a noticeable inconsistency. For a few moments, everyone was silent as we seemed to share the same expectancy that death would meet us at any given second, but eventually a comfortingly familiar voice spoke. 

“Listen! No machine hum.” Monty declared and though I craned my neck to try to find him, I couldn’t place where the voice was coming from.

“Whoa. That’s a first.” Jasper breathed with a comical enthusiasm and I was relieved to find that they were both here and safe.

A loud click announced the automatic unlock of all of our buckles and people wasted no time in rushing from their confinements, either to reunite with friends or to fight their way out of the chamber first. Murphy rapidly removed himself from his harness, then strode over to assist me out of mine.

“You good?” He enquired, furrowing his brows as he met my eyes and I nodded back uncertainty. In truth, I wasn’t sure how to answer that question, but the fact that I was still breathing was a good enough start for now. I heard Clarke’s voice fussing over some others across the ship and my breath caught in my throat with relief to find that she had thankfully survived the rough landing.

“The outer door is on the lower level. Let’s go!” An aggressive male voice yelled and Murphy glanced over his shoulder for the source, before returning his attention to me with a keen look in his eyes.

“You heard the man.” He drawled mischievously, turning to march toward the hatch. After a few steps, he realised that I wasn’t following him and paused to glance back at me. “You coming or what?” He called back and I slowly shook my head at him, uncertain about battling my way into the bustling group of teenagers. Though he was clearly hesitant to leave me, the raised voices from below were too tempting for him to resist and after a few moments of silent deliberation he shrugged, before rushing after them. 


	8. ℙ𝕠𝕨𝕖𝕣 𝕊𝕥𝕣𝕦𝕘𝕘𝕝𝕖

**Eᴘɪsᴏᴅᴇ:** Pɪʟᴏᴛ

I remained silently rooted to the spot for a few moments after Murphy’s departure, unable to motivate myself to move at all and struggled to process the fact that we’d just landed on Earth. This wasn’t a scenario that I had ever imagined and I was overwhelmed by all of the new fears that this situation presented to me.

“Cas!” 

A warm voice pulled me from my shock and I turned to see Monty and Jasper rushing toward me, barely seconds before they pulled me into a fond joint hug. Though I was taken aback by the contact, I felt my heartbeat gradually return to normal whilst wrapped up between them. When they eventually stepped back, I felt immensely better prepared to deal with the problems at hand.

“We were worried they might’ve done something even worse with you. Glad you’re okay.” Jasper commented, keeping a hand on my arm protectively and I smiled at him with appreciation. Having someone care for my wellbeing made the horror of our circumstances feel much less daunting and I was grateful for their kindness.

“Worse than sending us all to Earth to die of radiation poisoning?” Monty quipped, raising a brow at his best friend to point out how idiotic a comment this was and Jasper rolled his eyes in annoyance. “Well, we survived the worst landing possible. That’s a pretty good first step. Or...at least most of us did.” He added, a guilty expression filling his face as he looked past me and I peeked over my shoulder to find the bodies of two young men. I whipped my gaze back to them questioningly and they both shifted awkwardly. 

“They were floating around when the parachutes launched. Died on impact.” Jasper explained quietly and I sighed in disappointment. It seemed far too soon to already be losing people, especially to idiotic decisions and I had the distinct feeling that this would be a recurrent issue with the group that we had. The shouting from downstairs grew louder and both boys turned to look with interest. “We’d better get down there before they all decide how to die without us.” Jasper added in a humorous tone, but there was a hint of genuine nervousness in his eyes and I gulped down my fear as I followed them toward the hatch.

We were the last people to enter the ground floor of the dropship, which was now excessively crowded with people and I struggled into a position in the back corner to gain as much personal space as possible. Immediately, I recognised Clarke’s voice as I joined the enormous group watching her have a rather heated conversation with a young man in a guard uniform and a brunette girl who was close to his side, about the potential risks of opening the doors. 

I was glad of my height, which provided me an easy view through the crowd, but at the same time was nervous that it allowed me little space to hide should the three of them glance in my direction. At 5’8, I’d always felt too big, as if I always took up too much space and had spent my entire life attempting to make myself as small as possible in an effort to disappear into the crowd. Apparently, Murphy had no intention of allowing me to do so, as he noticed me fidgeting behind the others and he fought his way over to me.

“What are you doing back here?” He interrogated, furrowing his brows at me in blatant confusion and I shrugged avoidantly. As was a regular occurrence in my life, I wished that I could simply fade into the background and didn’t appreciate the attention that Murphy was drawing to me. I glanced over to the doors in an attempt not to meet his eyes and he quickly followed my line of sight, before returning his attention to me with an amused expression.

“Look, if the radiation comes in it will kill us all anyway, even if you are hiding out at the back. You might as well get a good look at Earth before you croak, right?” He suggested and I finally brought my eyes to him in sheer disbelief. “Now, come on.” He stated before I could say anything in disagreement and he wrapped an arm around my back to encourage me closer to him. 

Once he’d scooped me into his side protectively, he began to push through the crowd until we reached the very front and I felt my legs trembling at the annoyed stares of every person that he barged past. By the time that we neared the door, Clarke and the two strangers had turned their back on their audience and for some unknown reason, she was allowing the brunette to approach first. I held my breath in petrified anticipation as the male reached for the lever to our potential doom and tried to have faith that this was not the end.

“Ready to see your namesake, Sunshine?” Murphy leaned in close to whisper to me and his hot breath tickled my ear, causing a rosy blush to dust my cheeks.

There was a loud clunk as the lever switched into place and various mechanisms creaked into life to begin lowering the doors into a ramp to the outside world. No immediate fog filled the space and nothing was burning, but I had to cover my eyes to shield them from the intense light that burst through the gap. I kept my eyes tightly closed for several moments, too afraid to face what might await us on the other side, but then I heard Murphy take a sharp, excitable breath beside me and finally felt safe to look.

As my eyes gradually adjusted to the natural light, the first thing that I noticed was the baby blue of the sky. I was mystified by the beauty of what I saw, feeling unprepared for the reality of Earth compared to all of the art that I had studied over the years. Soft, white clouds floated in the sky, visible between the dense trees that were a vibrant shade of green that I’d never been able to find in the limited paints of the Ark. The air rushed inside to welcome us and I took a deep breath with intense satisfaction. It was thick with scents that I could never have imagined and couldn’t even begin to identify, and I felt as if I was drowning in the details that surrounded me. 

“We’re back bitches!” 

The girl who had been at the doors screamed dramatically and I startled from the sudden sound, having failed to even notice that she had already wandered outside. The teenagers around us took this as their rallying call and poured outside in a frenzy, cheering with celebration. Before I could even register what was happening, Murphy looped his hand through mine and moved to pull me down the ramp. I stared at him nervously and he chuckled at my reluctance.

“We’re on _Earth_ , Cassie. It’s time to live a little.” He drawled, before breaking into a jog and dragging me alongside him without waiting for me to agree. Though I was nervous, it was easy to be swept up in the enthusiasm of the moment and the way that Murphy stared at everything around him with unfiltered wonder made butterflies appear in my chest. 

The others ran through the trees in a wild manner, completely lost to elation and I found relieved laughter escaping my lips too as I ran to keep up with my captors long legs. We came to a sudden halt and Murphy took a moment to slowly spin on the spot, absorbing every part of his surroundings with a vivid appreciation that rivalled my own. 

“Well. What do you think? Better than your art?” He asked as he turned toward me with a fond smile and I nodded back keenly.

“Better than any art.” I confirmed and he seemed pleased to find that I was as overwhelmed as him. “I wish I could sketch it.” I sighed, my thoughts escaping before I’d even considered it and I was surprised at how easy I found it to be myself with him. He broke into a wonky grin and shook his head at me slowly in amusement. 

“Sorry to break it to you, but I doubt they left any art supplies in the dropship for you.” He remarked with a smirk and I rolled my eyes at him. “Okay, we’re free now. You can talk! So, I have to ask...why do you speak like that?” He enquired, examining me with interest and I raised a brow at him, unsure of what he meant by his question. “Don’t look at me like that. You speak weird. There’s just a little difference in your accent. Where does it come from?” He added defensively and I couldn’t help but to smile at his unintentionally insulting choice of words.

“My old man still has a really strong accent. My great grandfather was from Ireland. He’s very proud of it.” I explained, feeling sentimental as I recalled my fathers unusual voice, one of few people on the Ark to have retained some of their original heritage after so many generations. Murphy tilted his head at me, but made an expression as if some long standing query of his had finally made sense and as he opened his mouth to speak again, we were interrupted by a loud call. 

“Murphy!” I jumped so hard in response that I startled Murphy too and he glanced over at me with a snort of laughter. We both turned to face a young man with warm skin who I had seen around Murphy in lockup and I gulped nervously as I was unsure what to expect from any friends of his.

“Mbege!” Murphy cheered, a mischievous grin filling his face and I glanced over at the man in question with interest, only to find him surveying me with a smug expression. I’d heard countless tales of their combined exploits, but had never actually been introduced and wondered if he was even aware of the friendship that Murphy and I shared. He slowly strolled over to us, keeping his eyes trained on me curiously and I felt uncomfortable under his gaze.

“Should’ve known that I’d find you with her.” He commented, gesturing at me slyly and I shuffled awkwardly on the spot, feeling like I was not meant to be privy to this conversation. “You gonna come join the boys, or you too busy following your jailbird girlfriend around?” He teased and Murphy visibly tensed at his words, before quickly regaining his composure. He viewed me cautiously, as if torn between his options and I nodded in silent encouragement, keen to escape this encounter as quickly as possible.

I breathed a sigh of relief as they marched off together, noticing that Murphy elbowed Mbege with annoyance as they walked and couldn’t help wondering exactly what he’d been saying about me to earn such a jest. Instead of investigating, I decided to attempt to find Clarke and navigated my way toward the dropship. 

I wandered inside the space that was now empty as all of the inmates explored their new home and began to search through the room for any sign of supplies. Though I knew that this was an experimental venture, I hoped that they would leave at least some simple medical items, but as I slowly ran out of compartments to search, I soon realised that all we had were the clothes on our backs and each other to depend upon here. There was a commotion going on outside that carried through the doors and I turned to investigate.

“We need to get to Mount Weather.” I caught the familiar sound of Clarke’s voice and emerged to find a large crowd gathered around her and the Chancellor’s son, who was the spitting image of his arrogant father. “Not because the Chancellor said so, but because the longer we wait, the hungrier we’ll get and the harder this will be.” She explained, eloquently presenting her case to the rowdy teens and I took the opportunity to blend into the crowd, feeling entirely too exposed on the ramp. “How long do you think we’ll last without those supplies? We’re looking at a twenty mile trek, okay? So if you want to get there before dark, we need to leave. _Now_.” She finished with flare and I smiled at her diplomatic nature that had developed substantially since I saw her last.

“I’ve got a better idea.” A deep voice announced and I could feel two sets of eyes on me as I tried to find a spot where I could blend into the background as effectively as possible. The first belonged to Murphy, with his keen gaze following my every step from the drop ship and as I turned to find the source of the conversation, I discovered the young man in the guard uniform from earlier also observing me. His dark eyes glittered with interest, before he returned his attention to causing yet another argument with Clarke and I was mystified by my failure to be invisible. 

“You two go. Find it for us. Let the privileged do the hard work for a change.” He suggested, receiving enthusiastic cheers of agreement and I was shocked to find that there was actually someone more obnoxious than Murphy present. 

“You’re not listening. We all need to go.” Wells pleaded, seeming thoroughly frustrated by the attitude of the delinquents that he was now estranged with and having found a suitable position beside a large tree, I viewed him with sympathy. Though his similarity to his father was jarring, I couldn’t imagine that being known by everyone was easy and I certainly didn’t envy his dilemma of having to depend on people that his father had imprisoned. I gulped nervously at even the thought of so many people looking to me and shifted even further out of view without even realising.

“Look at this everybody. The Chancellor of Earth.” Murphy mocked, stepping out of his group to shove Wells from behind and I felt my breath catch in my throat at his aggression. I knew well how unpredictable his behaviour could be, but was unsure what to expect from him now that we were no longer contained by guards and for the first time, I began to consider how this environment could change things between us.

“You think that’s funny?” Wells quipped, stepping up to face him with a confident smile and my stomach lurched with dread. It clearly had not occurred yet to the boy how poorly matched he was to those around him, a politician's son against numerous criminals and I was fearful for the consequences of his challenge. Barely a second later, Murphy bent to kick him in the shin and there was an overpowering crack as he fell to the ground.

“Wells!” Clarke cried as she attempted to run to his side, but Mbege quickly caught her and kept her from getting between the boys. I willed myself to stop this, to talk Murphy down but I was paralysed with fear and my feet refused to move as I stared at them with wide eyes. Several members of the crowd called out in encouragement, only further fuelling the fight and I chewed my lip in anticipation.

“No. But that was.” Murphy remarked with a smirk, pacing about in front of his fallen opponent with a potent enjoyment in his face and I shuffled awkwardly on the spot. Despite mentally willing him to stay down, Wells struggled to his feet and I felt my heartbeat pounding in my chest. 

“Alright.” Murphy drawled, seemingly thrilled that he hadn’t backed down yet and I was caught off guard as Murphy flashed me a sly smile, specifically finding my face in the crowd. It was clear that he hadn’t allowed me out of his sight for a moment and as I began to understand that he was merely burning off some steam with Wells, I rolled my eyes. It seemed that he’d perceived the man in the guard uniform's attitude as a challenge to his position as the most obnoxious criminal on Earth and I could hardly stand this entirely unnecessary display of testosterone.

The boys squared up to each other, holding their fists up and Murphy toyed with his newest interest, relishing in intimidating him. Members of the crowd called out in taunts at Wells and it was clear that he had little allies other than Clarke here. Part of me wanted to support her, but backing up Wells seemed like a sure-fire way to paint a target on my back and I was not thrilled by this idea.

“Come on. Come on!” Murphy baited, gesturing for Wells to attack and I sighed with disappointment at their childish behaviour. It became obvious that no one had any intention of breaking up the fight and I racked my brain for any ideas for a distraction that I could cause to shift their interest. 

Fortunately, I didn’t have to take action, as a long haired boy dropped down seemingly out of thin air and landed between them in a dramatic manner. There were several disappointed groans, as the atmosphere immediately de-escalated and the stranger fixed Murphy with a firm stare.

“Kid’s got one leg.” He stared, staring deeply into Murphy’s face as he allowed a few seconds of silence to pass and I was shocked by his confidence as he showed no anger, or discomfort in separating the two of them. “How about you wait until it’s a fair fight?” He suggested, surprising me with his accurate judgement of the situation as he appealed to Murphy’s arrogance rather than simply telling them to stop and I was already interested in finding out more about this amazingly reasonable young person.

“Hey, spacewalker!” The brunette girl who had stepped out of the dropship first approached him with an entirely flirtatious smile and I was baffled by her confidence in front of such a dense crowd. “Rescue me next.” She quipped with a wink, followed by several chuckles from her audience and I was immediately envious of her boldness. Fortunately, the joint distraction that they had provided returned the teens to their previous relaxed state and as everyone split into small groups, Clarke’s gaze fell on me.

“Cassidy!” She exclaimed with wide eyes and she rushed over to me, placing her hands on my arms with fondness. “I’m glad you’re okay. I wanted to say thank you sooner, but I wasn’t allowed to contact anyone. Your note helped me a lot.” She explained and I smiled at her with warm familiarity as I fidgeted out of her grip. “Wells is hurt. Think you could take a look?” She pleaded and I nodded back reluctantly, following her over to her friend. He sat in the dirt with his leg outstretched and jumped as I approached, viewing me with a deep suspicion that was completely understandable. 

“Wells, this is Cassidy. She was an intern with my mother. She’s gonna take care of your leg.” Clarke explained as he observed me apprehensively and I waved awkwardly in introduction. Without waiting for permission, I bent down and began examining his shin where Murphy had kicked him and felt for any indication of a break.

I felt several others arrive behind me and could hear that Clarke was in the process of arranging a group to make the journey to the mountain, but I remained focused on my task. Taking a few steps away to search for some appropriately sized branches for a splint, I returned to find that a small crowd had gathered around Clarke, including the guard who seemed determined to cause problems and I avoided his eyes as I shuffle back into place, making my best effort to draw as little attention to myself as possible. The group began to move off beside me and I felt Clarke return to my side.

“You shouldn’t have come here, Wells.” She commented bitterly, causing a hurt expression to cross his face and I glanced up at her questioningly. She shook her head quickly to indicate that she didn’t want to discuss it and I shrugged. “I’m going to assume that you won’t be joining us?” She asked quietly and I stared up at her in complete horror at the very idea of venturing off into the unknown. She chuckled under her breath at my lack of adventure and I relaxed as I realised that she wasn’t about to scold me. “Probably best to leave a doctor behind, just in case. Alright. I’ll leave you to it. Be safe.” She breezed and I tilted my head to silently return the sentiment, pleased when she smiled in understanding. The moment that she departed, Wells began to study me curiously.

“You and Clarke know each other well?” He enquired, seeming as if he was attempting to get a measure of me and I shook my head slowly in response, concentrating on fastening everything in place as best I could with simply strips of fabric. “Things are tense between us, I’m sure you’ve noticed. I came down here to protect her and yet the first risk that she takes, I can’t join her.” He revealed, glancing down at the offending injury with frustration and I hummed thoughtfully. I’d never heard Clarke mention his name before and although I was cautious of what he could have done to cause her to treat him in such a way, I wasn’t about to involve myself in their personal drama. I completed the splint to the best of my ability with our limited supplies and slowly got to my feet. “All done?” He checked and I nodded in confirmation, prompting him to struggle to a standing position with relief. “You know, that actually helps a lot. Thanks, umm...I’m sorry, what was your name again?” He spoke with a grateful smile, but I couldn’t deny the feeling that he was attempting to manipulate me into speaking as I thinned my eyes at him.

“Cassidy!” Murphy’s sharp voice caused me to startle, rescuing me from the tension of the conversation and as I turned to figure out where it had come from, I found that the boy in the guard uniform was eavesdropping on us from nearby. I tore my gaze from him with anxiety building in my chest, feeling intensely uncomfortable with his scrutiny and instead found Murphy examining me with suspicion as I marched over to meet him. “Fraternizing with the enemy?” He drawled, a clear disapproval filling his features and I rolled my eyes at him as I placed a hand on his arm to lead him away from the others.

“No. Just patching him up.” I explained and he grimaced as if I’d just said something thoroughly disgusting. “Look. I get it. I don’t like having him here either, but we’re gonna need everyone to survive.” I added, quickly realising that this might be the most that I’d ever said to him at one time and he sighed heavily at my excuse.

“Do we really need the leading advocate for law and order to survive?” He groaned, seeming personally slighted by my attending to Wells and I was unsure to deal with this degree of petty behaviour. “You seem to be forgetting that his father is the reason that we’re all here.” He remarked with a pointed glare in Wells' direction and I shook my head at his ridiculous assumption.

“Oh, I haven’t forgotten.” I blurted with a bitterness that surprised even myself and a slight smile met my words. “Let’s just try not to kill each other before we even know what we’re up against. He’s well educated, at the least. That could be useful.” I suggested and he grumbled under his breath like a scolded child, before rolling his eyes at me impatiently. 

“Fine. You’re right. Just don’t go getting too buddy buddy with him.” He ordered, crossing his arms defensively and I crooked a brow at him. “He’s still got Chancellor blood in him. If he’s anything like his father, which he seems to be, he’ll throw you under the bus as soon as the shit hits the fan.” He added and I had to shrug in agreement at his arguably very reasonable point.

“Pinky promise.” I smiled sweetly and his expression gradually softened in response.

☓ ღ ➵ ღ ☓

Hours had passed since we arrived on the planet of our ancestors and whilst everyone else had been having the time of their lives, I’d been keeping busy with arranging some kind of medical space in one of the back rooms of the dropship. I’d ripped up plenty of fabrics into bandage size strips, storing them in various boxes alongside some needles and wire I’d found that would be narrow enough for stitching, though I hoped that we wouldn’t be unfortunate enough to have need of it.

My next immediate concern was to prepare for the most likely afflictions that we might succumb to and I calculated that for the time being, our biggest risk was dehydration. Whilst everyone else was too distracted to even notice my busy presence, I collected several parachutes and fashioned them into a tarp between some nearby trees, surprising even myself at the sturdiness of the set up.

“Ready to collect rainwater?” Wells' voice almost caused me to lose my balance in shock as he appeared beside me and I stumbled to the side to create more distance between us. “Smart. Good to see that someone else here is capable of planning ahead.” He commented with a warm smile and I shrugged awkwardly in return, dissatisfied to have been caught in conversation with him again already. “The splint is holding up well. I even managed to bring us back some firewood. Clarke wasn’t kidding about you being capable. Here, I made sure to collect some smaller bits of wood too, just in case we need to split any other injuries.” He explained, holding the smaller pile out to me proudly and I nodded back thankfully, before making a speedy exit.

There was a tinge of guilt in my chest as I marched away from Wells, knowing that he was likely lonely and I could entirely sympathise with that feeling. However, I had no intention of getting involved with public enemy number one this time and I left it to Clarke to resolve her issues with him instead. I stowed the splint pieces away in my makeshift medical unit to ensure that they didn’t get mixed up with the firewood and created a bag out of some fabric that I slung over my shoulder. 

Without a single thought about letting anyone know where I was going, I made my way into the trees, ensuring to remain close enough to call for help if needed and began my search for anything useful. My main goal was to seek out any herbs that could potentially have medicinal uses, but also kept an eye out for any berries or other food sources, as I knew that the large group would likely be getting hungry soon. 

I managed to pull a few familiar plants from the ground, stowing them away in my sash but was overall disappointed to find that most of the area was overtaken by pointless weeds. Mentally,I pleaded with any forces above for even one plant that could assist with pain, or infections. I couldn’t help feeling the pressure that an emergency would bring and my lack of success with foraging only added to my anxiety.

“You know, you blend in so well with nature that I almost missed you.” 

I whipped around to find Murphy leaning against a tree, examining me with amusement and cursed under my breath for being so frequently spooked. As I glanced down at my green jacket, I realised that he was right and I could easily camouflage myself as even my hair matched the grass surrounding us. My eyes were accusatory as I peered at him, silently warning him not to scare me again and he chuckled at my thinly veiled displeasure.

“What are you doing out here? I know that your farm upbringing must make it difficult to resist all these plants, but you shouldn’t just wander off on your own.” He remarked, his voice filled with a jesting tone despite his protective words and my expression melted into a smile at his concern.

“I’m looking for something useful. Frolicking around isn’t going to help if anyone gets hurt, or sick.” I divulged as I returned to coming through the tall grass with determination and Murphy thinned his eyes at me suspiciously.

There’s more to you than just growing vegetables and dealing drugs, isn’t there, Agro?” He quipped, as he crept closer to me and I rolled my eyes at him in disapproval, tired of insisting that I was not a drug dealer. “You knew exactly what to do for Chancellor Junior earlier and now you’re out here hunting for herbal supplements, instead of enjoying the sights like everyone else. Just who _were_ you up there, Sunshine?” He questioned, staring at me with even greater interest now than he had even in lockup and I sighed as I squirmed under his gaze. 

“Someone who wants to help people, same as down here. Now, if you don’t mind I’d rather not die here from a stupid infection.” I retorted, brushing off his curiosity as I avoided meeting his eyes and he fidgeted with evident disappointment at my minimal answer. 

After a few minutes of heavy silence, he appeared beside me to assist with the hunt and I held my shock inside, knowing that he would change his mind if I made a big deal out of his assistance. I couldn’t imagine how helping me to search tirelessly through a million blades of grass for random plants could be preferable for him compared to hanging out with his boys and I was unsure if he even knew what he was looking for, but I felt safer out here with him nearby.

“That Bellamy guy has sure got some pretty big ideas. Think he’s looking to run things down here.” He commented idly and I crooked a brow at him in confusion, baffled by his expectation that I would recognise that name. “You know, that guy in the guard jacket that keeps staring at you.” He blurted, before quickly clearing his throat as if he’d said something he hadn’t meant to and turning his face away. If I had thought that I was confused before, it was nothing on the way that I felt now and I could hardly believe that Murphy was paying such intense concentration to who was looking at me.

“I don’t trust him.” I announced, holding my head at a lofty angle and he darted his attention back to me with his brows deeply furrowed.

“Oh? And why’s that?” He interrogated with a blatant excitement in his eyes and I couldn’t help smiling at how thrilled he seemed by lack of interest in Bellamy. Though it was true that I had noticed him watching me several times now, I was sure that it was no different to the way that he studied everyone in our group, figuring out whether they were a threat to his bid for power or not and I hoped that Murphy would quickly realise that this was no major occurrence.

“I don’t know. Bad vibes.” I muttered, honestly expressing my thoughts and he nodded slowly as he absorbed this. His shoulders dropped slightly, relaxed by my vague confirmation that I hadn’t paid much mind to Bellamy and I smiled subtly at his childish attitude.

“And yet, you hang out with me?” He crooned, smiling smugly as if this were such a privilege and I shrugged casually. In truth, I wasn’t sure why I was drawn to Murphy when everything that I knew about him should be causing blaring alarm bells in my mind, but instead I felt oddly comforted by his presence and couldn’t seem to stop myself from constantly coming back for more. 

“Hey. Hey, check this out!” He gasped as he rushed forward a few steps and pointed down at the ground. I moved closer to examine a very inconspicuous looking plant with bushy green leaves and stared back at him blankly. “It’s mugwort. We should grab some.” He explained and I couldn’t help raising my brows at his knowledge. “What? You surprised to find that I’m not a total idiot?” He accused and I shook my head at him vigorously, hurt that he would even believe that. “You pick up at least some things hanging out with Monty.” He revealed and I nodded keenly

“What’s it for?” I enquired, glancing down at the plentiful supply with a feeling of hope in my chest, before my stomach dropped at Murphy’s mischievous expression.

“Well. If you smoke it, it makes you all mellow and happy.” He described and I rolled my eyes as I groaned at him. I was about to stomp past, but he stuck his lips out in a sulky pout at my dismissive attitude and I bent down reluctantly to collect some. Unfortunately, the plant was remarkably tough and I was unable to tear any off, eventually falling back onto my ass from the strain. “Graceful. Here, let me.” Murphy commented smugly, before pulling a blade from his pocket and taking a large cutting. I dusted myself off as I stood and reached out to take the plant from him to store in my sash, but he quickly pulled it away from me. “Ah, I’ll let you have the rest once we’re done.” He confirmed as he returned the weapon to its hiding spot and I tilted my head at him for an explanation. “You’re gonna share a smoke with me first.” He stated as if it were the most obvious conclusion and I huffed in disbelief.

“No. I’m not.” I argued, turning on my heel to storm away from him, but I barely managed a few steps before he caught my arm.

“Come on. You’ve been tense since the very first time that saw you. I’ve never known anyone to need this as badly as you.” He drawled and I crossed my arms at him in offence. “Cassie, you’re a delinquent and I’ll bet that you’ve never done a single rebellious thing in your good girl life. We’re finally free. Just let that sink in for a minute. No guards, no rationing, no bars and no rules. So, why don’t you celebrate with me by doing something just a little bit bad?” He suggested with a playful wink and as his words washed over me, I glanced out across the wide open spaces and felt a tiny hint of rebellion sparking inside me. I couldn’t explain what it was about the way that Murphy spoke, but there was something in the way that he spoke that reached me and despite my best judgment, I was tempted by his offer.

“You promise that it’s safe?” I checked, feeling a small buzz of excitement in my stomach and a wide grin spread across Murphy’s lips at my consideration.

“Of course. I’ll guide you through it.” He enthused and after a few seconds, I threw me responsibilities to one side for the draw of adventure. The moment that I nodded in acceptance, Murphy grabbed my hand to pull me through the trees. “I know just the place.”


	9. 𝕋𝕖𝕖𝕟𝕒𝕘𝕖 ℝ𝕖𝕓𝕖𝕝𝕝𝕚𝕠𝕟

Sitting on the top of the dropship, I knew that I should have felt nervous but thanks to a mixture of the reassuring company and the calming effect of the herb that we’d been sharing, I was more at ease than I’d been in a long time. My gaze roamed out across the vast landscape that surrounded us, drinking in the breath-taking sights and I felt as if I were living in a different reality after the lifelong confines of the Ark. 

“This view is almost worth getting arrested and thrown out of our home for.” I commented wistfully, swinging my legs over the edge in a state of contentment. As I admired the sights, I noticed Murphy studying me out of the corner of my eye and the expression that he wore was almost as awestruck as mine. Though I was somewhat embarrassed by his open adoration, the effects of our mild intoxication allowed my mental walls to have lowered and for once, I didn’t feel the need to escape the emotion. 

“I agree. It’s pretty breath-taking.” He crooned, making it clear that he was referring to me rather than the view and I chuckled awkwardly, unsure how else to respond to his flattery. “Shame that we had to have our entire lives screwed to get here.” He added bitterly, voicing the feeling that we both shared inside and I glanced at him curiously.

“You know, of all the times that you’ve pushed me to tell you why I was in lockup, you’ve never actually told me what you were in for?” I pointed out, passing the rolled up leaf back to him and he shook his head as he considered me, a sly smile filling his face.

“Oh, you want to hear my sob story?” He suggested, his handsome features forming a smirk and I felt a mischievous smile spreading across my lips. Although most people seemed to find his attitude frustrating, there was something strangely attractive about it to me and every smirk that he directed at me made a tingle travel the length of my spine.

“I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.” I drawled in a flirtatious tone, surprising even myself at my boldness and he quirked a brow at me with fascination. For a moment, I began to worry whether this comment had been a mistake, as the herb loosened my lips far more than I had expected and I felt a small remaining level of anxiety spiralling in my brain. Whilst I was preoccupied with my own self consciousness, Murphy took a long drag to prepare himself for his explanation.

“When I was a kid, I got really sick.” He began, avoiding my eyes as he spoke and I shuffled into a comfortable position to listen. “Sick enough that my parents thought I would die without treatment. None of the doctors would help, so my father stole some medicine and got himself floated. It was only after he died that I started to get better and we found out that I’d had the flu.” He explained in a low tone and I grimaced, realising that he was unlikely to have even required medicine for this illness in the first instance. A few moments of silence passed as he took another smoke and I tried to find a lighter part of his past to discuss. 

“What about your ma?” I asked gently, hoping that this might provide him with an opportunity to share a more hopeful memory, but instead he glanced over at me with pain in his beautiful blue eyes, sighing deeply in thought before he decided to answer me.

“My mother was a drunk. If she wasn’t passed out, or vomiting everywhere, then she was blaming me for everything that had ever gone wrong in her life. Eventually she drank herself to death.” He explained in a grumble, before glancing to the distance in an avoidant gesture and I was sure that I saw him subtly wipe away a tear. It seemed that the smoking was bringing out emotions that he had long since buried and I was nervous to fulfil my end of the bargain with this in my system. He cleared his throat to bypass any remaining sentimentality in his voice and forced a devilish smile into a place as he turned back to view me.

“So, you’re wondering what any of this has to do with what I actually did, right? Well, once I was old enough to get the supplies, I set fire to the quarters of the officer that arrested my father. Sure, it landed me in lockup, but it was fucking satisfying!” He added with the previous bravado that he’d always displayed in our conversations in the skybox and though he tried to use it to cover his vulnerability, I had come to know him well enough to see through it. The hurt and anger that had led him to this decision was clear to me and though I wanted to tell him how sorry I was, I knew that it would bring him little comfort.

“Sounds like our mams would’ve gotten along famously.” I commented idly as I took a long drag on the smoke and threw the last of it off the edge of the dropship. It was a strange thought to consider, but I realised that at least some parts of our childhoods had parallels and I began to dissect the previously unexplained feeling that I’d had since we first met that Murphy was able to understand me in a way that others had never been able to.

“Really?” Murphy breathed, stunned by my comment and I nodded in return. “No way. I can’t imagine you in an upbringing like mine.” He stated, seeming genuinely perplexed by this concept and I shook my head at his incorrect assumption.

“My mam was a nasty woman, full of spite and disapproval. I only recently found out that she had own addictions, though, namely pain relief. I’m actually beginning to suspect that she only stayed with my old man so that she could steal his meds.” I grumbled, staring down at my feet and Murphy’s brows raised at the severity of my statement. “I know. It’s a dark thought, right? My Papi has multiple sclerosis. That’s why I started studying medicine. Whole load of good that did me.” I added in a bitter voice and Murphy seemed as if he could hardly believe what he was hearing.

“Wait a second, you’re a medical student?!” He exclaimed in sheer disbelief and I nodded slowly in confirmation. His eyes grew ridiculously wide at this and he stumbled over his words a few times as he tried to decide which question to ask first. “So, how does someone like you end up convicted for drug smuggling? This doesn’t make sense.” He rambled, staring at me as if he suspected I were creating some fabricated story to fool him and I knew that I would have to be painfully honest if I were to convince him that I were indeed telling the truth.

“She thinks she’s fallen in love.” I admitted, speaking the words aloud for the very first time and my heart immediately ached as the confession left my lips. “There was this intern who was a few years older than me. He told me that he had a sick mam and that his old man was gone. For once in my life, I really felt like someone understood me and that made me blind. I was so full of hope and all I wanted to do was help people, and he took advantage of that. Sold me some crap about a medicinal programme for the underprivileged and I ate it up like an idiot.” My voice became aggressive towards the end, as my inner frustrations infected my words and Murphy seemed completely riveted by my explanation.

“Plenty of assholes with their own agenda on that station.” Murphy stated spitefully, clearly speaking from experience and I nodded silently in agreement. “He sounds like a real piece of work, though.” He added in a growl, seeming as if he were already aggravated by this idea and I couldn’t help but feel amused by the potency of his reaction. I scoffed under my breath, reflecting on the depth of Cian’s betrayal and how disgusted he would become if he knew the full details of every minor manipulation that led to this outcome.

“You have no idea.” I muttered as I recalled the level of deceit that he had felt necessary to the process of recruiting me and Murphy tilted his head at me in a silent question. “The reason that I finally decided to turn him in is that I found out every single thing he ever said to me was a lie. His parents are alive and  _ definitely not _ sick. You were right about me all along, without even knowing any of the details. He targeted me.” I revealed in a small, pained voice, glancing over at him with tears in my eyes and he cursed to himself. 

“Man, fuck the Ark. I’m glad we don’t ever have to go back to that hellhole.” He spat, staring up at the sky with disdain and I turned to look up at the clouds too, wondering where exactly our home was. My thoughts drifted to my father whenever I thought of the Ark and my chest ached at our separation, unable to accept yet that I would never again be able to indulge in his comfort. “You know, it sounds like I was right about one other thing at least. You were a  _ total _ goodie goodie on the Ark.” He confirmed with a deviant smile and after a slight chuckle under my breath, I sighed thoughtfully. 

“I was. I followed every rule, trained for a selfless job and carefully worked my way in with people who I thought could help me to protect what was left of my family. Thanks to my job, I even had a new mother figure in my life. But look at where all of that got me. Now I’m on Earth, alone.” I remarked, the frustration that I had bottled up for far too long fearing its ugly head and Murphy furrowed his brows at me, as if I’d said something horribly offensive.

“Hey.” He spoke sharply and I jumped as I turned to face him with apprehension. “You’re not alone.” He stated, staring deeply into my eyes and I couldn’t keep a fond smile from filling my lips. It was a disagreement that I hadn’t at all expected, but the comment provided a level of comfort that was truly welcome against the isolation that I’d felt since arriving here.

“You’re not alone either, Murph.” I breathed in a warm tone, feeling a genuine appreciation for his presence here and his face lit up at my words. A comfortable silence fell upon us as we both returned to staring at the trees, enjoying the fresh breeze that ruffled our hair and for a few moments, I felt at peace. “It really is beautiful here. The colours are so vibrant and rich, and the smells are insane. You know, before the world went to crap, they used to get kids to do leaf rubbings in school as an introduction to art. I’ve always wished that I could do that.” I revealed, surprised by how much I was speaking and vowed never to smoke again as I strained to try to contain my thoughts. 

“Well, shit. I’ve never wished that I was a leaf before. Sure you don’t want to rub me?” He suggested with a playful wink and though he tried to hold a serious expression, his face rapidly crumbled at the absurdity of his words. I snorted under the strength of the laughter that escaped me, clutching my stomach as I gasped for air and Murphy cackled alongside me. It seemed that we were reaching the tail end of the herbs' effect on us now and had descended into the silly stage of the intoxication, where everything seemed profoundly funnier than it otherwise would. Once I’d finally been able to calm myself enough to speak, I fixed him with a scrutinising look.

“Why do you do that? I really don’t get it.” I interrogated, keen to find an explanation for the strange behaviour that he had been displaying for almost the entire time that we’d known each other and his face was the picture of innocence as he gradually recovered from the laughter. 

“Do what?” He avoided, clearly enjoying the opportunity to force me to put my suspicions into words and I furrowed my brows in disapproval for this tactic. I had no desire to actually ask whether he was truly attracted to me, but decided to clear the air with a less direct approach whilst I still had the courage.

“Make everything into an innuendo!” I breathed, frustrated that he had continued to act oblivious to my intentions and he shrugged, forcing me to continue. “The whole thing confuses me. The chat up lines and the winks and the constant flirtation. I honestly just don’t get it.” I confessed, holding his intense eye contact as I levelled him with questions and fully expected for him to insist that it was little more than a joke. He raised a single brow at me in suspicion and I braced myself for an answer that would cause me to feel immensely foolish.

“Have you never actually  _ seen _ yourself?” He asked pointedly, his eyes taking an indulgent scan of my entire body before coming to rest on my face longingly and I scoffed louder than I had at any other time in my life. “Seriously, I’m not buying that you’re that clueless. You’re  _ incredible _ .” He breezed, surveying me as if he couldn’t find a single flaw and I rolled my eyes at him.

“Right. Another line. Whatever.” I grumbled , fidgeting on the spot as I started to feel my insecurity returning to me in full force and scolded myself for even expecting a truthful response in the first place. It was obvious in my mind that this was simply another game to him, something to amuse himself with in the absence of any other entertainment and I fully expected that he would move on shortly now that we were free. He cleared his throat as he prepared to address me, pulling me from my fearful thoughts. 

“I don’t get how you can be this unaware of the effect that you have on people. I mean, you must've had boyfriends in the past, right? Other than the fucker that got you locked up.” He suggested as if it were an obvious assumption and I shook my head, fiddling with my hands to avoid his prying eyes. “Girlfriend? That’s hot.” He added with a mischievous manner and I had to chuckle at his immaturity. 

“No, Murphy. I have no idea what you’re talking about. You’re acting like I go around intoxicating everyone and leaving them all clamouring for just one kiss.” I drawled with exaggerated gestures, unsure how to interpret his dramatic expectations and he simply grinned at my comments, as if I’d played into his hands.

“Oh, I want  _ much _ more than one kiss.” He remarked, his voice growing deep at the thought and I shook my head at him in disbelief, surprised that he would still continue this act even in the face of my enquiries. “You have been kissed, haven’t you, Sunshine?” He enquired, catching me off guard with his sudden question and I fidgeted in discomfort as my cheeks burned hot. I knew that lying to him wasn’t an option, as he seemed to be able to see through me with little effort and I had no intention of admitting to something that made me seem so pathetic. Instead of judging me, however, Murphy seemed exhilarated by the confirmation that my silence provided and slid himself closer to my side. 

“Really? Well, I could fix that.” He muttered, dropping to a quiet and raspy voice and I shivered at the way that it made me feel. At first, I assumed that he was kidding as usual, but it quickly dawned in me that he was suffocatingly close and my breath caught in my throat as I realised that he was leaning into me. His shoulder bumped mine as he moved into my space and though part of me would have been willing to jump off the dropship to my death, the ruling portion of my brain began to allow my eyelids to flutter closed. His face was close enough to mine that he could count every freckle if it weren’t hiding under the heavy blush that dusted my cheeks and I could feel his hot breath against my skin, as I held my own in nervous anticipation.

“Murphy!” A sharp yell caused me to startle to such an extent that I almost slipped off the edge and Murphy had to rapidly pull me back to safety. “Will you stop fucking about?! We’ve got shit to do, remember?” Mbege called upward as caught sight of our legs which hung over the side of the ship and Murphy was visibly furious at the interruption. As my senses flooded back to me, I quickly slid backwards and got to my feet to put some distance between us.

“Could you not?” I spat, brushing myself down and attempting to return my heartbeat to a reasonable speed following the thrill of the almost kiss. “You just ruined this whole thing! You were doing really well before  _ that _ , too.” I stated, crossing my arms to fix him with a disapproving look and he chuckled with amusement as he stood to face me. I couldn’t help feeling as if he had crossed a boundary into unknown territory and I resented the change, as his friendship felt like all I had left to cling to now that we’d been ejected from our lives on the Ark. I wasn’t ready to face my attraction to him and the damage that it could do to our bond, and I couldn’t help feeling offended as how easily he seemed to be willing to throw it away.

“The whole thing, huh?” He queried and I nodded back fervently, revealing my defensiveness. “Well, I guess next time I’ll just have to make sure that we don’t get interrupted.” He sneered, seeming thoroughly pleased with himself and I shook my head at the misunderstanding. “Don’t worry. I know what you meant.” He clarified as he gathered his things and I raised my brows at him, confused by his contradictory statements. “The only problem with you acting so upset is that I know you wanted it. Until next time, Sunshine.” He winked, before striding away and leaving me blushing alone on the top of the dropship.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that I only just returned from a break but I feel like it’s better that I am honest with you guys instead of trying to force myself to do things that I realistically won’t be able to do.
> 
> My posting schedule may be chaotic over the next 2-3 weeks. I’m gonna try my best to stick to it but am lowkey having a mental breakdown so, I don't know.
> 
> One week from yesterday should have been our wedding day. But thanks to Covid, instead we’re not even allowed to leave our flat.
> 
> I’ve been coping pretty well with it until now by distraction, but as the actual date approaches I’m devolving into just crying 24 hours a day.
> 
> My plan is to distract myself with writing, but I honestly can’t anticipate how I’m gonna feel even from minute to minute right now.
> 
> I really don’t want to let anyone down and I love sharing my stories more than anything, they’ve been a life saver over the absolute crock of crap that was 2020. We’ll just have to see how this next rollercoaster goes!
> 
> This story is not over by a long shot, but it might be absent for a while. Thanks for sticking with me so far, your support means more than I can even put into words.

**Eᴘɪsᴏᴅᴇ:** Pɪʟᴏᴛ

After waiting long enough to know that he would likely be gone, I ventured back into camp and found that everyone was still preoccupied with having a great time. I rolled my eyes in disappointment, but was not particularly surprised by their carelessness and turned from them to focus on my next survival concern, shelter.

Gathering a parachute and some of the sewing supplies that I’d previously prepared for medical uses, I made my way to one of the quieter sides of the dropship to create myself somewhere to sleep. Though I expected that most people would likely simply sleep inside, if they even stopped partying for long enough to sleep, I was uncomfortable with the idea of sharing cramped quarters with so many other inmates and if I were honest with myself, I was keen to make the most of the outdoors.

Thanks to the years of practicing stitching, I was able to combine the fabrics into something relatively resembling a tent and managed to carry a piece of debris from the landing over to use as an anchor point. Once combined, it formed a flimsy structure that seemed as if it could collapse from even the slightest breeze, but I was proud of my efforts and knew that my old man would get some entertained satisfaction from my newfound adventure skills. 

By the time that I had returned everything, it was beginning to get dark and I felt nerves settling in my chest at the thought that Jasper, Monty and Clarke hadn’t returned, alongside the rest of their group. The thoughts of what could have happened to them left me restless and I found myself waiting near the edge of camp for any signs of movement. I was unsure of how long I spent pacing around in the long grass, but the light gradually faded and I was left in the dark. 

In the background, I could hear grand speeches being made, but decided to hide away, as I feared being dragged into another power struggle, or confrontation like I witnessed earlier. Eventually, a light in the distance caught my attention, alongside many cheering voices and what sounded similar to drums being played in a way that was highly intimidating.

I crept back toward camp nervously, feeling guilty for leaving my post of waiting for the missing group to return and as I neared the fire, I realised that there was some kind of deranged initiation happening, where people were queuing to have their wristbands removed. This discovery made me deeply uncomfortable and I remained out of view as I watched Mbege assist Murphy in removing a young girl's wristband, only to receive excessive praise and cheering for doing so. Bellamy was quick to greet them with a handshake, as if welcoming them to an exclusive club and my stomach churned at the sight of the manipulative behaviour.

The next person in their conveyor belt of volunteers stepped forward and as Murphy used his blade to prize the wristband off, I noticed the grimace of the young person and noted that this seemed a rather painful process to be undertaken by such inexperienced teenage boys. Though I was tempted to offer my expertise to minimise the risk of injury, I couldn’t bring myself to risk involvement and instead was about to creep away when Murphy caught my eyes. He patted Mbege on the shoulder, pointing out another of his followers that could assist him whilst he was absent, then navigated carefully through the crowd to avoid drawing any attention as he approached me.

“What do you think, Sunshine? Ready to unshackle yourself?” He suggested with an enthusiastic smile, seeming completely oblivious to the severity of what he was doing and I stared back at him, allowing my uncertainty to convey itself in my face. I couldn’t imagine how he could possibly consider this to be a wise decision and struggled to find the words to explain the damage that had already been done here without causing him to become defensive.

“Don’t worry. If you’re scared it will hurt, I can do yours on my own. I’ll be extra careful with you.” He offered in a teasing tone, his smug expression hinting that he was simply pleased at the idea of having an excuse to touch me and I sighed at him in disappointment.

“Was this your idea?” I enquired, glimpsing from him to Bellamy suspiciously and as he followed my gaze, he seemed confused. It was obviously a struggle for him to decide whether to take credit for this and so I decided to give him some context to encourage him to be honest. “Did he tell you that these are sending our vitals to the Ark?” I investigated, wondering whether he’d been misled about their purpose and he sneered in response to this clarity.

“Of course. That’s why we’re taking them off.” He breezed, as if this were a sensible conclusion and I tilted my head at him to express my disbelief. “Come on, Cassie. You don’t want to help those assholes, do you? They sent us down here to die. We’re just taking back our freedom.” He added confidently, attempting to appeal to the bitterness that I had earlier allowed him to see and I choked on my lip nervously. 

Although I was somewhat tempted to shed all remaining ties to the Ark, every time that I glanced at my wristband, I remembered Abby’s words about relaying the data back to my father and knew that I could never hurt him by making him think that I’d died. I also remained cautious of the intentions of Bellamy, who seemed to be carefully plotting via members of the camp and though I knew that Murphy was likely genuine about seeing this as little more than another act of rebellion, I couldn’t be certain of the intentions of his puppet master.

“My Papi is watching my vitals.” I revealed in a small, nervous voice and Murphy raised his brows in surprise. I took hold of the wristband, running my fingers along it thoughtfully and I knew that I would do anything to protect this final connection to my old man. “I’m all he has left. Even if I never see him again, I have to live for him.” I explained, avoiding meeting his eyes as I spoke and a few moments of heavy silence passed. I suspected that he was deciding whether to respect my decision, or to make another attempt to convert me, causing anxiety to build in my chest until he finally cleared his throat.

“I get it. Whatever keeps you sane, right?” He commented in a surprisingly calm vice and feeling caught off guard by his understanding, I whipped my attention up to him. In his eyes, I could tell that he was at least somewhat disappointed in me, but he forced himself to wear a smile in the hope that I wouldn’t notice. I glanced down at his bare wrist, already stripped of its connection to our home and couldn’t help the sensation that it’s absence made me his opposition, a feeling that I wasn’t fond of.

“There’s nobody up there watching mine.” He remarked as he noticed my gaze lingering on the space where his wristband had been this morning and I felt a heaviness to my heart at these words. “No one will even notice when my heart stops.” He muttered, in an ambiguous way that could easily have referred to more than just the people on the Ark who were monitoring our data and I scowled at this thought.

“Maybe not up there, but I will.” I argued in a firmer tone than I’d ever used around him before, causing him to return from his distant stare to smile at me and I was sure that there was the slightest hint of tears in his eyes. “So, just make sure that you don’t die. Alright?” I insisted as I met his eyes and just as he opened his mouth to answer, we were interrupted by a deep, overpowering voice.

“Murphy. Hurry up and bring your volunteer over. We’ve got people waiting.” Bellamy asserted, marching up to his side with an uncomfortable sense of authority and I felt my eyes widen at his statement. For a moment, I was tempted to turn tail and run into the woods, but as Murphy glanced over at me, his expression became resolute and I managed to convince myself that I could rely on him to protect me.

“No. She won’t be taking hers off.” He stated calmly, turning to face Bellamy with confidence and I felt my heartbeat quicken with fear. Bellamy leant into closer in an effort to intimidate him and I quickly began to realise that his charismatic attitude was only the first stage of his control. It seemed that denying him caused a more threatening side of him to emerge and my distrust of him only grew stronger. 

“I thought we said no exceptions?” He grumbled, staring into Murphy’s face with an intensity that would have caused me to wilt had it been directed at me and I felt as if I were witnessing something that I shouldn’t be privy to. I wondered how he had convinced Murphy to follow his leadership, when I’d hardly ever seen him successfully controlled by anyone in the past, but as he stood his ground, I realised that the power dynamic between them didn’t seem to have been set in stone just yet.

“What about your sister?” Murphy leered, squaring up to Bellamy in return and I shifted awkwardly at the confrontation. He seemed significantly rattled by the mention of his sibling and I was unsure if Murphy had been wise to have struck at what was clearly a sensitive topic. 

“Are you gonna _force_ her to take hers off when she gets back, or does she get a choice?” He questioned stubbornly, refusing to back down on this point and Bellamy thinned his eyes at him. For a moment, I was worried that they would devolve into violence, but eventually it became clear that Bellamy wished to deal with this without using the loyalty of his newly gained follower.

“That’s different. Octavia is my blood.” He excused, crossing his arms defensively and Murphy was clearly unphased by this reasoning. “We need to get everyone on side. If we start skipping people, it will cause doubt.” He advised, attempting to continue Murphy of the validity of their cause again and I suspected that I was witnessing a glimpse of how he’d secured his support in the first instance.

“She’s your exception, right?” Murphy suggested, providing him with an opportunity to escape scrutiny on the treatment of his sister when she returned and Bellamy reluctantly accepted it, simply nodding in agreement. “Well, Cassidy is mine.” He clarified in a firm manner and I couldn’t help feeling that his wording was deliberately vague, as if they were discussing an entirely different kind of ownership. “I can vouch for her. She’s skilled and valuable enough to be worth the risk.” He added carefully, ensuring that he made the bargain sound worthwhile and Bellamy finally tore his eyes from his opposition to examine me with interest. I squirmed awkwardly under his scrutiny, uncomfortable with the way that he studied me and I felt Murphy stiffen in reaction too.

“I guess we’ll find out.” He conceded, clearly unsure in what this mysterious value was and I fiddled with the sleeves of my jacket to distract myself. Under his overbearing attitude, I’d reverted to my silence demeanour and hoped that my lack of interaction would result in him ignoring me as the others had whilst in lockup. “We’ve got plenty more people to get through.” He pointed out as he turned back to Murphy with a significant look, before leaving us alone. I released a deep sigh of relief, causing Murphy to smile at my silent display of dislike and I nodded to him before creeping back toward my tent.

I spent some time attempting to reinforce the structure and gathering leftover bits of parachutes to use as bedding before the others realised that they would need them to sleep. They were sufficiently distracted by the party that Murphy and Mbege were steadily growing for Bellamy and I wondered how long their enthusiasm would continue as they seemed to be relentlessly irresponsible.

Just as I was about to return to my tent for the night, the sound of raised voices carried over from the campfire and I hurried over to investigate in the hopes that Clarke and the others had finally returned. Instead, I found Bellamy and Wells engaged in a heated power struggle and blended into the back of the audience in the hope that I wouldn’t be noticed.

“If it really is safe, how could you not want the rest of our people to come down?” Wells questioned accusingly and I found myself watching with interest, as I had pondered the answer to this question myself.

“My people are already down.” Bellamy responded aggressively and I thinned my eyes at him suspiciously. “Those people locked my people up.” He gestured upwards as he spoke and I crossed my arms as I scrutinised him. It seemed nonsensical to me that he would refer to the delinquents this way when he had only just met most of them and I was unsure how he was encouraging such a sense of camaraderie as the only person here who had not been a prisoner at all.

“Those people killed my mother for the crime of having a second child. Your father did that.” He revealed, stepping closer to Wells with an intense expression and my posture relaxed somewhat as understanding dawned on me. Though he had not been convicted, his experiences had certainly given him an appreciation for the circumstances of most of the people here, but I still felt uncomfortable at the power hungry behaviour that he was displaying.

“My father didn’t write the laws.” Wells defended in exasperation, continuing to be completely ignorant of all the social cues that he should cease causing trouble for his own safety and I sighed in defeat. In all honesty, I was surprised that he’d even survived the day considering his determination to paint a target on his back.

“No. He enforced them. But not anymore. Not here. Here, there are no laws. Here we do whatever the hell we want, whenever the hell we want.” Bellamy announced, subtly addressing the audience who cheered their support as he spoke and I felt my stomach lurch at the potential impact of his statement. My awareness of the capability of the people that filled this camp gave me a horrifying awareness of the dangers that could come from declaring our location as somewhere with no laws and feared how quickly we could fall into chaos.

“Now, you don’t have to like it, Wells. You can even try to stop it, or change it. Kill me.” Bellamy taunted and I felt my mouth fall open at his endorsement of murder, hardly able to believe that he could be this oblivious. “You know why? Whatever the hell we want.” He added purposefully, a smug smile filling his lips as he uttered the phrase that resonated with all of the teens that were gathered around him and Murphy was quick to jump on the momentum of this mantra.

“Whatever the hell we want!” Murphy yelled, riling up the teens who began chanting the line in an overpowering cacophony of voices and I was rooted in the spot in shock as I processed the danger of this group united under Bellamy. Wells glanced around at the crowd with a deep concern in his expression and for the first time, I was glad that someone else sensible had remained behind in camp.

Suddenly, the sky crackled with thunder, causing me to startle in terror and the heavens opened as rain hammered down on us. Instead of being discouraged by this, the teens seemed even more enthused with it, revelling in the way that it felt and even the smothering of the fire that plunged us into darkness failed to bother them. I hesitated from running to cover, hoping that one of the two boys who were squaring up to each other might take control of the situation, but Bellamy seemed just as enamoured by his first experience of rain as the others were.

“We need to collect this.” Wells urged, attempting to break his trance, but Bellamy was completely disinterested in his eagerness to plan for our survival. People cheered around them, dancing in the downpour with vivid excitement and though it was a unique feeling that thrilled me too, I couldn’t help that my focus remained on the practical matters.

“Whatever the hell you want.” Bellamy answered evenly, holding his ground against Wells until he eventually wandered away and as he seemed to move with purpose, I instinctively followed. 

He passed the tarp that I had earlier set up for catching water to check whether it was withstanding the elements and then began darting around in search of something. As soon as I realised what he was doing, I wordlessly joined him and we worked silently as we gathered as many containers as we could find to collect the rain. Anything that had the capacity to hold water was placed out in a row at the edge of camp, in a spot where there was less cover from the trees.

We quickly ran out of large items and as Wells split from me in search of anything smaller that he could utilise, I made my way toward the dropship for my hunt, allowing him the opportunity to avoid it. I was about to step inside when something caught my arm and I whipped around to find Murphy examining me with interest.

“Trust you to be the only person crazy enough to want to head inside during this.” He drawled, chucking slightly to himself with amusement and I shrugged avoidantly. I was reluctant to directly criticise his behaviour, but couldn’t help feeling somewhat annoyed that I had to bear the responsibility that everyone else had abandoned. 

“It’s cold.” I excused, wiggling out of his grip and he raised a brow at me disbelievingly. Admittedly, I was the only person still dressed in multiple layers when most of the group had already begun to strip off in the earlier sunshine, but that was mostly due to my own modesty more than the temperature. 

“Besides, someone needs to make sure that we have drinking water.” I added, fidgeting in the spot as I spoke and allowing my hands to slip into my pockets in a self soothing gesture. Murphy shook his head disapprovingly and glanced around as if searching for something particular. Without warning, he grabbed my hand and dragged me along behind him as he navigated through the trees.

“Let the mini chancellor deal with that! I want to show you something.” He called backward as he guided me to some unknown destination and I felt my heartbeat pounding as I struggled to see properly in the darkness. I wondered if he even knew exactly where he was going and though my surroundings made me nervous, the fact that he was with me kept me from descending into full blown panic. 

After a few minutes, we emerged into a tiny space that was clear of any trees right in the middle of the dense forest and the rain seemed to fall even heavier here. Murphy halted, turning to face me with a smug smile and I stared back at him in confusion. There didn’t seem to be anything specific here and I couldn’t imagine what he’d led me here to reveal. 

“We spent our whole lives trapped in a floating box in space.” He opened, his tone serious as he addressed me and I raised my brows as I awaited a full explanation. 

“You’re so focused on being sensible that you’re forgetting what matters. This morning, we were both locked in cells, waiting to die. Now, we’re on _Earth_.” He pointed out, his voice filled with awe and although I could sense the elation that he felt, it seemed unattainable to me. I smiled weakly at him, unsure of what he expected from me and he sighed thoughtfully. 

“It’s rain, Cassie. Real, actual rain. How can you not see how insane that is? It feels different, don’t you think? It _smells_ different. Close your eyes. Forget about all of the bullshit that you’re carrying. This rain? It’s more than that. It’s freedom.” He explained, gradually stepping closer to me as he spoke and as his words washed over me, the heavy drops that fell on my skin took on new meaning. Clearly sensing the shift in my demeanour, Murphy leaned in closer still, pushing the damp hair from my face and placed a delicate hand over my eyes. 

“Close your eyes. Feel it.” He whispered, pulling me under his spell and I allowed my eyelids to flutter closed obediently. 

After a few moments, he removed his hand to check if I had followed his instruction and I heard a satisfied hum as he realised that I had. The sound of the rain was deafening once I allowed myself to focus on it and although I expected it to be overwhelming, it was strangely relaxing. Every drop created different tones of sound as it bounced off nearby branches, sliding down the leaves to reach the grass beneath our feet.

I could hear Murphy’s steady breathing, the warmth of his breath just reaching my skin in the close positions that we were standing and providing a small respite from the cold temperature of the droplets that soaked me. Gradually, I became aware of a scent that was unfamiliar, a slightly similarity to soil and vegetation, but also something more, something that was entirely unique.

When I allowed my eyes to drift open, I found Murphy studying me with a contented smile and couldn’t help returning it. His hair was thoroughly soaked and had been knocked from its slicked back style, now allowing water to drip down his face from the long strands that hung in front of his eyes. There was a heavy sense of peace between us, as I stared at him with a new perspective and I felt more alive in this moment than I ever had before. 

The rain continued to pelt us relentlessly, but instead of feeling uncomfortable, the storm felt as if it were connecting us to something powerful that recharged our beaten down souls. His handsome features were lit by the moon which glowed beautifully above us, bathing us both in dreamy rays and it seemed as if we were the only two people in the world. I couldn’t put into words the sensation that we shared, but as we each stared at each other in wonder, I knew that we were completely in tune.

Out of nowhere, there was an earth shattering bout of lightning and I instinctively reached out to Murphy as I yelled in shock. The entire clearing became blindingly bright for a few seconds and even he cursed under his breath. 

He grabbed my hand as he broke into a jog toward camp and although I was shaken, I ran alongside him with nervous laughter building in my chest. In no time at all, we were both struggling to catch our breath, darting between the trees with the rain hammering down and we cackled like hyenas at the sheer ridiculousness of the situation. 

We practically fell into the dropship, finding it crowded with people who bustled around in search of a space to sleep. It seemed that the storm had finally driven them inside, but it failed to dampen down the party atmosphere and I noticed several people pairing off to find a more private spot. Feeling overwhelmed by the crowd, I fidgeted into a corner by the door to watch the weather that raged outside, whilst Murphy disappeared into the mass of people, presumably to check in with Bellamy.

Now that the exhalation had passed, I felt the cold from my soaking clothes, seeping into my skin and hugged myself in an effort to keep warm. It was suffocatingly loud within the ship, as people set up areas to chatter lazily, or fought over limited covers to sleep under and I was shocked to find that it was actually more chaotic than I had imagined it would be.

As quickly as it had started, the storm slowed down to little more than a dreary drizzle and I slipped outside unnoticed by the rowdy crowd. Holding my hands over my head protectively, my boots splashed in the mud as I jogged over to my tent that had suitably proved it’s stability against the storm and climbed inside. It was a miracle to find that everything inside was still dry and I credited myself for all my supposedly wasted time that I spent as a child reading survival books. 

My hair dripped water constantly, sticking to my face and the thick jumper I wore to protect myself from the elements felt like a straight jacket under the weight of the water that it held. I began to peel off my clothes, hoping that at least the lighter items might dry overnight as I hung them as neatly as possible from the framing of the structure, until I was left in only a tank top and panties. I grasped the bottom of my vest to pull it over my head, when a voice made my heart skip several beats.

“There you are! I wondered where you’d snuck off to.” Murphy announced, bending over to poke his head between the shredded parachutes with a smile that only grew more mischievous as he caught sight of my undressed state and I cursed under my breath in shock. “Oh, don’t stop on my accord. Please, continue.” He crooned, dropping into a crouch as if he had no intention of leaving and biting his lip in a manner that made my cheeks flush crimson. I yanked the tank top back into place to cover my bra, but it was obvious from the smugness of his expression that he’d already managed a rather indulgent glimpse at me.

“Stop _staring_!” I hissed as I threw the nearest item to hand at him and quickly pulled some blankets over me. He was clearly disappointed by this reaction, but quickly recovered and his expression seemed as if he’d set his mind on a new target. 

“I never pegged you as such a survivalist.” He commented, leaning slightly further into the tent to look around and I quirked a brow at him suspiciously. “Got room for one more?” He asked with a sneer and I rolled my eyes in exasperation. Though I still had a significant soft spot for him, I was beginning to realise how exhausting his antics were without any guards to enforce breaks and I couldn’t help worrying about the intimidation behind this request. 

“More room in the dropship, I’m sure.” I pointed out, fidgeting awkwardly at the idea of even trying to squeeze him in this tiny structure alongside me and he pouted sulkily at my suggestion, as if deeply offended. 

“You’re kidding? It’s packed in there! I don’t wanna share a space with 99 other people.” He groaned, grimacing at the thought and though I was sympathetic to his predicament, I was desperate for some alone time after the insanity of the day.

“Well, maybe if you hadn’t spent all day partying, you’d have somewhere else to sleep.” I scolded, tilting my head at him critically and he tutted as if I were the one who was being unreasonable. He shifted slightly closer inside to avoid the rain and I automatically slid myself further away from him. 

“Come on, Cassie. You’re not really gonna make me sleep with all of those _criminals_ , are you? Think of my safety.” He appealed, making his best effort to appear utterly pathetic as he leant back outside a little to emphasise that he was indeed still getting wet as he awaited permission to stay and I sighed thoughtfully. “I promise I won’t bite. Not unless you ask me too, anyway.” He winked, laying the charm on thick and I held up my hands in defeat as I cringed. 

“Fine, fine! Just please stop talking.” I blurted, fidgeting to cover more of myself and he wasted no time in rushing inside, closing the gap behind him as much as he could. 

I became acutely aware of just how small the shelter was the moment that he entered and it felt as if we were practically on top of each other as he attempted to manoeuvre himself out of his damp clothes without toppling the entire tent over. 

It took a few moments for me to realise that I was staring as he shook off his jacket and as he reached to remove his shirt, he caught my eyes with a smirk. My cheeks practically radiated heat as I snapped my gaze away and I heard him chuckle from behind me as I flopped into a lying position, keeping my back to him to hide my embarrassment.

“You can look if you want, Sunshine. I’ve got no problem with it.” He offered, causing the blush to fill my entire face and when I didn’t respond, I heard him finish undressing anyway. “After all, you let me take a peek.” He crooned as he fidgeted into place beside me and I couldn’t keep myself from turning over with a frown.

“I did _not_.” I gasped in defence and he crooked a brow at me teasingly. “I didn’t let you see anything. You snuck up on me. Creeper.” I argued against his sordid expression and he scoffed, clearly delighted to have baited me into talking with him again.

“Right. Of course. Whatever helps you to protect your modesty, my lady.” He drawled, cussing me to release an annoyed breath as I furrowed my brows at him. 

“You’re insufferable.” I muttered as I fidgeted around in a vain effort to get comfortable and he quietly chuckled to himself in satisfaction. 

The space felt as if it was actively shrinking around us and it was impossible to get any further away from him, as his skin radiated heat into mine without even having any direct contact between us. Never before had I been this close to someone and I noticed that my breathing had become shallow. Murphy seemed perfectly at ease with the arrangement, if not a little too enthusiastic and I strained to concentrate on literally anything other than my desire to escape. 

“Are they all your own art?” His voice pulled me from my spiralling anxiety and I met his eyes with confusion, realising that he was examining my tattoos. 

I was so used to them that I mostly forgot they were there most of the time and I’d definitely overlooked the fact that I’d always been too wrapped up in layers for him to ever get a proper look at them. I nodded back slowly, feeling strange about the way that his eyes roamed the exposed sections of my skin and I became acutely aware of my own heartbeat. 

“They’re so detailed. Do they mean anything to you?” He wondered aloud, seeming completely enthralled by them and I barely managed a hum in response. “There’s so much in this one. Must be important?” 

I hadn’t noticed him reaching out to me until it was too late and the way that his fingertips grazed the shapes on my upper arm made a shiver run down my spine. I stuttered several times in an effort to form a response, feeling as if I’d forgotten how to speak at all and Murphy continued his study of all of the visible art that littered my skin.

“I...it’s...umm.” I stumbled, inwardly cursing my mind for failing me and at the sound of my voice, his eyes finally dragged their way up to meet mine. There was tempting intensity in the sapphire blue of his eyes and I gulped nervously. “Expectations. It’s the feeling of time crushing down on you, never having the keys to all of the doors that are closed to you and the gears of life always turning.” I explained, pointing out all of the little items within the piece as I revealed their meaning and his brows shot up in surprise. 

“Shit. That’s dark.” He grumbled as he stared down at the work again and I released a nervous giggle. 

“Right.” I agreed in a whisper, feeling entirely too aware of how close his face was to mine. “We should get some sleep. I’m sure the party will be raging again in no time.” I excused, clearing my throat in an effort to cover the huskiness of my voice and quickly turning my back on him to keep myself from indulging in anything that I might later regret. 


End file.
